Depressed

by Sara

(Sorry about the length of this story)

My whole life feels like the soap operas on T.V. My grandma died of cancer five years ago but on that day, she wasn't the only person I lost. She had two sons and a daughter; my mom. But the youngest son has anger management issues, he couldn't even control any of his kids but always acted like he could tell my mom how to control hers. A few days after my grandma died the siblings got into an argument. My mom felt so hurt and offended that she and her other brother stormed out. All the kids were told that we weren't allowed to see him or his two sons any longer. I haven't seen any of them since that day. I feel so hurt, I don't remember any fights of the sort! Just memories of wanting to see them because even at that time I didn't see them that often. But everyone else remembers how much of a bully they were and want nothing to do with them. Now the oldest son of the brother that I never see is in boarding school across the province. I'll never be able to even see them again at this point, no one else cares about that or even knows how I feel, or is willing to try to start attempting to be a family again.

Now I am a senior at Junior High with so many friend troubles with a couple girls in my class that will never leave me alone, don't know the meaning of personal space, don't get anything or any kind of a hint to leave me alone, and don't realize how much they are pushing me away when they try to grasp me harder. I've gotten into eating habits and weigh almost as much as my own dad at 15, acne all over my face and shoulders, problems everywhere I turn and can tell no one becasue there isn't a single person that could understand, agree with me or do anything for that matter except God. I feel so far away from Him right now that I wouldn't even be able to hear Him even if he was yelling my name right beside me. I feel so alone, ugly and depressed. Not seriously enough to try to commit suicide but just in a deep hole that I'm too scared of falling in deeper if I try to get out. I am so confused and lost, I don't know what to do.