Who Am I?

by Virginia
(Massachusetts)

Who Am I? I am child of God. I am a follower of Jesus. I'm a beliver. Most importantly I am Christian. It hasn't always been that way for me. I was born in a Catholic family and never really believed. I just went because its what my family wanted. I was baptised made my First Communion and Confirmation but not for the right reasons. When I given the choice in highscool to continue going or not I stopped. When things started going down hill for me I blamed Jesus. I thought that it was all his fault. I was so angry with Him and wanted nothing to do with Him. That was until I met my upstairs neighbors, Ally amd Kaite. They were both Christians who believed strongly in the Lord and it was their goal to get me to believe and change me. I ignored a lot of what they said at first. What can I say I was stubborn. But after while I started listening and thinking maybe it wasn't God's fault. I then made the decission to attend their church with them one Sunday morning. Let me just say that was the best decission I've ever made in my life. I accepted the Lord into my heart and life and vowed to change my ways. My Christian walk hasn't been an easy one but with God by side it has been an amazing one. There was a time where I almost completely turned away from God. It was the summer after I graduted highschool and worked at a Christian Camp as a waitress. I started hanging out with an old friend to catch up on the old times. I was stressed because I wasn't going to college and needed a job and I felt so much pressure. I started drinking and smoking ciggerates. As I made that choice my faith started to crumple around me. I started praying and reading my Bible less and started acting out more. I fought with my parents all the time and did reckless things. My friends, Ally and Kaite, were so disappointed in me but never left my side. I made the decission to move out after my 18th birthday. Can you say big mistake? I had started doing drugs on my 18th birthday and I wanted to live that lifestyle. I loved how it made me feel. Carefree and like I could take on the world. It felt like I had no problems at all and like nothing mattered. I continued going to church but really just to see my friends. I did not attend youth programs or volunteer as much either. I stopped reading my Bible and prayed only when I felt like it. I had turned my back on God. Four months after I started and continued to do drugs on a daily basis I started feeling confused and depressed. There was one time were I caught my hair on fire and ended up having to cut it all off. Thats when I started to realize how out of control I was. It was after I had heard a sermon at church. My pastor was preaching about how some Christians act like one person in church and a different one outside of church. How they weren't really Christians and how we should be the same person inside and out of church. That message hit me hard and me realize that was me. I was a hypocrite and hated who I became. At the same time I didn't want to give up my ways but I wanted God to be apart of my life. I ended up in a huge fight with my one of my friends and they said I was no friend to any just a pothead. I broke down and decided to quit coming to church all together. Though my Youth Pastors had to talked to my friend and I about the fight and told me that they'd help me quit and support me no matter I just felt so angry and lost. That night the song Undo by Rush Of Fools came on the radio and I broke down and cried and prayed. I prayed for forgiveness, change and healing. I made the choice to quit and starting living a Christian life again. I moved back home and soon I will be taking classes to get my CNA license. Its been almost a month since I quit and wow has my life chnaged. The biggest thing I've learned from all this is that God never leaves your side no matter what you do or who you become and through him all things are possible. God never left my side and even though I turned from him he still forgave me. That it one of the greatest things about God. He never judges you but always forgive you. God is my saviour, my king, my bestfriend, and my everything. Who am I now? I'm a different person but I am still a Christian and a believer and a follower.

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