What's wrong with me?!?!

by Kaylin Arnold
(Houston, TX)

I'm thirteen years old and in the eighth grade. I'm really tall; 5'8", so you would think that I should weigh more because I'm pretty tall. But that's not the case. I weigh 113 pounds. I don't know how. Scratch that. I do know how; I don't eat enough. For breakfast I usually have two pieces of toast with peanut butter or butter on them, most of the time I only eat lunch two or three times a school week, and then whatever my mom makes for dinner. Bottom line, I need to eat more. The thing is, I'm never hungry. I just... I don't even know. I'm just never hungry.

Everytime I get up from lying down, my vision goes completely black except sometimes I can focus on one object. I think this is from me not eating enough, but I'm not entirely sure. I know that I should be eating more, but... I think... ugh... I think I'm getting fat... yeah, I know, I'm not at 113 pounds, but when I look in the mirror, I see those stupid lovehandles or whatever just above my hips which are also getting wider along with my torso. My belly is getting bigger and in theatre, someone asked me if I was pregnant. I don't know what to do anymore. I haven't told anyone about this because I know my mom will find out and make me eat tons more and send me to counseling. That's just how she is. Then I'll be fat. Ugh.

What's wrong with me? Do I possibly have an eating disorder? I've looked up a few of them and none seem to fit the description of what's going on with me. If you think you might know, please tell me!

Comments for What's wrong with me?!?!

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I know whats wrong.
by: Gigi

You're completely malnutrition. My mother is a nutritional therapist and deals with things from being too skinny to being too fat.
You need to get some SERIOUS help. Right away. You can start to develop problems throughout your body that can lead to an early death if you don't. 113 pounds is completely too skinny, without a doubt.
I'm 5 "7" and weigh 145 pounds, which is just right for me. You NEED to see a doctor right away. Do not be afraid of your mother and tell her. You can develop mental and physical diseases as well such as anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorders, body image disorders, etc. Please get help.
I actucally have an eating disorder myself. I love food. I eat like crazy, & I have to stop myself. Once in awhile, I go a little nuts & then regret it later on, look in the mirror, start to cry, & hate myself for being so fat. I developed an eating disorder at a young age, and I do not want the same to happen to you.
Please get help right away. This is an extremely dangerous situation.

get help
by: niki

gigi has basically said everything that needs said but i have a few more things. first of all, you really should get him. you dont want this to escalate any further. second of all, i have an eating disorder. i've struggled with bulimia and anorexia for 3 years now. its awful. my mom knows and could care less. im in an awful situation when it comes to my home and family life and the one thing that i wish i had an option of is counseling. so be grateful that your mom cares enough to get you counseling. because i've tried to get counseling and my mom laughed in my face about it. so be grateful your mom cares enough about you and get the help you need. you'll b glad you did.

love and prayers...niki

Other resources
by: Sambrosia

This comment is actually directed to Niki. Is there a teacher, youth leader or older mentor figure that you can talk to about getting help? Is there anyone you mom respects that she might listen to if they told her you need help? Or maybe you can go through them since your mom isn't interested. Please don't give up or feel like your situaton is hopeless though, because God ALWAYS provides a way out and I know there is an avenue for you to reach the road to recovery somewhere out there!

Thank you guys
by: Kaylin

I would talk to my mom, it's just that she would probably say something like, "you're just skinny" or whatever. Either that or she'd completely over-react. I had noooo idea that was going on with me was so potentially serious. I'll get help though. It's 10:30 at night right now, so first thing in the morning, I'll talk to my mom about everything. Thank you guys soooo much for the comments! You saved me from a whole lot of bad stuff down the road.

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