War Between The Blade and I.

by Jodi
(Newport News, Virginia)

Hi I am Jodi. I am 14 years old. I have been a "cutter" since the 5th grade and I am now in 9th. I haven't really stopped the thought of cutting this year, but I have prevented the bleeding.
When I was in 5th grade, I began to be bullied and I would believe it because it would be repetitive. I would come home and cry because I didn't know what I had done wrong to be treated so inhumanely. A couple month into school, I learned to hide my every emotion. I would put on the smiling mask I kept in my pocket. I would wear long sleeves all the time due to the fact I was cutting. No one knew and I hoped no one would find out.

By the time I reached 6th grade, I had reached over 15 cuts. I could control it, I knew I could because I would pray to God every night and I felt him tell me I was going to be okay. That it would all go away. Two of my closest friends found out and tried to help, but I continuously pushed them away telling them I was fine and didn't need their help. My grades dropped rapidly due to my depression. I wasn't submitting my work nor completing it, I was failing tests and threatening kids. I, honestly, did not care. I just wanted to run away from it all. One of my teachers found out about my depression and she let me cry on her shoulder. I loved her so much and to watch us grow apart afterwards hurt so much.

7th grade began with horrible news. My worst bully was in my homeroom class. I figured she wouldn't say anything to me. I prayed I would stay out of her sight and I did because she got transferred to another room, but that didn't stop her from calling me names. I didn't know how to handle it so I just said it back. I continuously harrassed myself because of it. I didn't understand the whole concept of her "talking trash". There was a guy I knew, I ended up falling head over heals for him and when he found out every word was a sword slicing me into pieces. He told my best friend he would never like me because I was worthless in his eyes. I was a disaster and that I was just nothing. I was ruined. Multiple times had I tried to commit suicide that year, but my friend prayed for me to live and I did everytime.

8th grade came and that was my worst middle school year. I was still head over heals for the guy from 7th grade and I wrote about him.. bad thing. I lost the paper. He found it with his name in it and my name on it returned it to me and we never talked again. I began to like another guy and he liked me, too. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. It all ended after 3months because my friend pinned me and kissed me. She knew it I would tell my him and he completely freaked. He accused me of cheating and spread rumors about me being a lesbian. He said we did very filthy things and only one of my closest friend knew the whole story. It was absolutely terrible. I couldn't hold it in anymore. My friends found out when I had gone into the bathroom to soak a paper towel to clean the wounds. A girl saw and ran to tell them. They weren't concerned. They just asked why and tried to stop me for only 2 days. Then I tried to commit suicide and to them the world seemed to blow up. Then I left to school and said goodbye to everyone. They were confused and asked what I was talking about. I said oh I might die due to me trying to OD. Then I got taken to the nurse and whole lot of drama happened. I prayed it would all stop and it didn't. The pain just continued to take over my body until I fell into a panick attack. After that I confessed to my mom and showed her all the scars and told her bout my suicide attempts. She immediatly seeked help for me. Now I have it and I have a boyfriend who promised on his life that we would remain friends with no rumors or name calling if we broke up. Best part is, I can take off the mask and reveal the smile I am constantly wearing now.

Click here to post comments

Return to Cutting Share Your Story.

FREE Book and Bible Study for Teen Girls

Sign up Below and Get this Book FREE:


Get More Information



Let's Connect Online



Free Daily Devos
for Teen Girls

Sign up below to have these devos sent to your email daily.

Name
Email

Click here for weekly devos or to find out more!

Get the Books!

21 Devos 
Only $0.99

Volume 1

Volume 2 



Books for All Ages


Body Image Lies Women Believe - Read 26 different stories from 26 women and learn how to overcome body image lies with God's truth.

Get your copy here

Broken Crayons Still Color - Shelley Hitz shares how our biggest regrets, failures and mistakes become what God uses the most in our lives. 

Get your copy here

Please note that we are an affiliate for Amazon.com. Any books you purchase from us will help support this ministry. 


Get True Beauty Stuff!

True Beauty Tshirt


True Beauty Buttons, Bags, Mugs, T-shirts & More!
From $1 and up


Download Free Wallpaper for Your Computer