Scars On My Soul

by S. Helen
(LaGrange, Georgia, United States)

I'm 17. i started cutting myself when i was 14. at first it was because i failed a grade, all my friends went to high school i didn't. my father said i was a failure and my mother didn't fight to let me go on she never fights for me. the next year i struggled with a weight problem i kept going up pants sizes i felt so big and no one liked me they kept telling me im cute but this your pretty but that your cool but i don't like you. i cut deeper. but God protects me. Then this past year people call me pug or bulldog. not nice names my face is flat and i get picked on. my body disgusts me. i can;t even look in the mirror naked or with a towel cause i hate what i see. i tried losing weight but i get so hungry. i tried starving myself but it made me sad and i cut worse. i cut at least 10 cuts some times 5 a week. i never take off my pull over and the few people who do know are scared I'm going to die. I tell my closest friends because i know if someone sees their be able to protect me. so i can have someone to cry to without telling them what is wrong. I don't for people to notice. i do it cause i hate myself. at least my scars are pretty. MY mother found out and claimed i did it to get noticed. my own mom? I've had two failed suicide attempts. i hate my life. i hate this world. I pray to God to help to tell me what i did wrong. why no guy likes me. why my mother has never told me to follow my dreams?? why everyone's problems are better then mine. why my own father barley fights for me? why my grandparents all died before i was born? why He let that pastor molest me when i was 11? why i'm so fat and flat face? why did he make me like this? i never get a answer, until i do i will cut. i will avoid veins but im so terrified. i just need someone to see my pain. WILL SOMEONE JUST CUT AWAY MY PAIN? MAKE MY LIFE BE ONE WITHOUT THE HURT. I'M SO ALONE HERE, SO ALONE HERE. i don't want my family i was to go someone i love i love to cook and if i could go follow my dreams without my own mom holding me back i would be happy for once. but now, i control nothing. my life is in my moms hands. I'm afraid that's what might get me killed by myself. . .

Comments for Scars On My Soul

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There's Hope
by: S'ambrosia

Hello dear,

I just want to pass along a testimony from a woman who went through a lot of things you mentioned. Please watch the whole video and allow the Lord to speak to your heart. If you need someone to talk to, just respond, and I'd love to connect with you. God bless.

http://vimeo.com/9615484

Never Alone
by: Cassandra

You are never alone. Give your all to Christ, and He WILL be there in those most difficult times. Watch this video. I'm not sure what this young lady's testimony is exactly, but I do know that when I was down at this youth conference, called The Ramp, she told us that for over 10 years she was stuck in many different addictions and hurts, and this dance is her way of showing what God does in your life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=We11GOTQabA&feature=plcp

Don’t let the enemy destroy you
by: m e l i s a <3

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4

Thank you for sharing your story, Please let me encourage you to take your eyes off of yourself & your situation & place them on Jesus - “When we take our eyes off Jesus the road is endless & hopeless but when we see that Jesus has travelled the road before us then we can be confident that the Spirit is w/us & will give us strength.” God knows our pain, He bore it on the cross. He understands what you are going through. Luke 22:39-44 says Jesus was so anguished that He asked His Father to take the cup from Him & that His sweat was like drops of blood! Placing your hope in Christ right now is imperative! Try meditating on the following verses, Meditate on them anytime you feel the way you did here:
”You make known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in your presence, w/eternal pleasures at Your right hand.” Psalm 16:11

“Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation & my God.” Psalm 43:5

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Lord, I lift S.Helen up to You right now in this very moment & ask that you take her pain away. Look upon her hurt & comfort her, hold her in your wonderful arms & let Your amazing love wash all over her. Open her eyes to who she - a beautiful, unique creation of Yours & that You care about her more than she could ever imagine. Place within her a hope that can’t be denied & help her to turn her face to You. I ask that she find victory over the demons that taunt her & that You shine Your light into her darkness. Thank you Jesus

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