my year of anorexia.. trying to recover

well since i was 13 i was fine until people started saying that i was getting fat , my weight was 100 lbs. and I'm 5'1 tall. For me that's pretty normal actually, but then i started restricting foods i even became vegetarian and started to drink lots of water , but then i figured out that it wasn't working so i searched diets on internet and used them . they didn't work either so then i started eating small portions of food and apparently that did worked. day by day the portions were getting smaller and smaller i lost about 30 pounds in 5 months . now I'm 14 years old and i weigh 75lbs. maybe tomorrow i'll weight less , because i lose 1 pound per day. My mom knew something was going on so she took me to the pediatrician he said that i have tachycardia, he told my mom to get me blood analysis and a cardiogram. she's going to see the results tomorrow, i really don't know whats going to happen and I'm scared. She doesn't thinks that I'm anorexic she just thinks that i have a really high metabolism or that i have thyroids. i feel depressed all the time and guilty. sometimes i feel like i monster and that I'm a bad person for doing this to myself but i keep going. i don't know if someday ill recover, cause when i try to eat normal i just start eating and eating and i cant stop! i just eat until my stomach gets really bloated, i tried to purging but i really cant so i just take laxatives. i have friends and a boyfriend that i really love, he doesn't care if I'm too skinny but he liked me when i was 84lbs so i think it really doesn't matter. Well in some way its because of him cause his ex-girlfriend is skinny and i was not so i started getting skinny for him but its not all because of him. now i just eat 300 calories per day : hot chocolate in the morning, pack of raisin's , fun size M&M's, a lollipop and nucita at night.

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