my black hole is my life

by Tiffany
(fenton)


well i started cutting 2 years ago. it started when i broke a glass doll by mistake and i was picking up the pieces when i cut myself by mistake. when it was all cleaned up i thought about what happened and went to the trash and cut my arm. it hurt like crazy and all problems went away for a little while. you see when this was happening my mom changed. she wasnt her self anymore. she was barley home and started drinking beer. my parents are always fighting. and i lost my best freind. it was my grandfather. i always have flash backs of my uncle touching me sexually. he's in jail now but it still hurts. we moved to a strange house and had no one to talk to. no friends, anger problems, never knew my grandma, havent seen my aunt lisa for years and deathly thoughts. one day i was going to kill my self till i meet my buddy aylissa. she saved me from me. no one in my house knows. i wish i could stop but i cant and i tried. i cant fight my feelings. the only thing keeping me alive is art. i love making art, so im hoping that will save me when ever i think about killing my self. because that buddy i talked about moved away. no one loves me, not even me. im fat and ugly and worthless. no one even cares about me. i want help. so im going to get it. i promise my grandfather.

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You're NOT worthless
by: Emily

Hi Tiffany,

You sound like me, sometimes, when I feel alone, helpless, unloved- but just know you do have someone who cares about me. You said you have no one who cares about you- I do, and God does too. Please don't get into the vicious cycle of self-loathing, cutting,etc. It doesn't help anything. I know it's almost impossible to stop on your own, but it's not with God. PRAY!! PRAY! God will give you the strength to stop if you trust Him. Ask your friend Aylissa if she will pray for you too. I will be praying for you, Tiffany. God loves you sooooooo much... he gave you a talent for art, and he gave you a friend who cares about you. Don't ever believe that you're worth nothing. If you ever feel like you just can't stop... tell an adult... please. It is not worth ending your life over. You have people who love you and are praying for you.

~Emily

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