its not for attention, its a feeling.

by Shayla C
(New Jersey)

Well where do I start? i found this site while researching cutting for my Health class, but there was no need for research. i knew all about cutting, i had the experience.

My life wasnt as problematic, but i made it diffucult on my own. I was neglected, and always thought less of my self, i still do. i thought my music was my only way out. But when you put your headphones in, the music can only play but so loud.Just like my screams. So what do i do? i recognize that no matter what, my voice will not be heard. so i started to cut. and cut. and cut. my mom got into an argument with me one night and tried to take my ipod away from me and i went in my rom and just cut up my whole left arm and she saw. she figured it was just a phase so i was threatend to stop everytime. but i didnt. my mom acted like she cared to take me to a psycologist but wasn't happpy with the fact that i'd tell a stranger everything but not my mother. O well, i knew what would have happend, i never would get the chance to speak. and if i did, i'd freeze up because of all the dirty looks and threats being thrown at me.

Where am i now?
i havent cut for 2 months but im ready to start again b.. my moms lil "friendship" with me is nothing but bull. She stil thinks im doing it for attention but im not.
Do i regret it?
No. the only thing i hate is that i have to come up with lies when i forget to wear long shirts, or even in the locker room when people see my scars on my legs or stomaach. that part sucks.
I wish i have and had the proper help to keep me in place, but i don't.

Comments for its not for attention, its a feeling.

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by: EMMMeRs

Shayla, I think you need help.
I'm sorry there's so much pain in your life, I'll be praying for you. God will be with you if you want to ask him.
Love, EMMMeRs

I'm so sorry
by: Gigi

I'm so sorry for all the pain in your life! I went through a period in my life when everything was just going downhill, and self-hatred started building in my heart, and I was tempted to slit my wrists and call it quits a few times.
But, when struggles hit us, we have to turn our faces away from the things the devil would want us to replace with our hurt like cutting, boyfriends, drugs, etc. Cutting just destroys the beautiful body God gave you, and you NEED some help.
Don't think of a shrink as somebody who's trying to hurt you. They're there to help you. Consider a Christian shrink over any other.
Hope my advice helped :)

by: Natasha

I believe you... self-injury is usually Not about attention, rather about emotional pain. You do need to seek professional help! Counselors are trained to listen without judging. It should also be confidential... your mom doesnt have to know what you say. I dont know your mom, but it sounds like she probably doesnt have accurate info on the topic. I would suggest both of you call the following number... her for more info & you for some help.
A lot of people dont understand self injury unless they've been through it.

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