In a 12 yd hole of emptiness

Im 12 and im 4ft 11 and i weigh 83.14lbs. All i see is skinny and i always think i need to be thinner. "food=calories, calories=weight weight=fat fat=bad". Thats all that runs through my head all day. I dont eat breakfast or lunch and as small a dinner as i can get. I only drink water and i do 200 sit-ups when ever i can. Im trapped in a tight steel box from which i cannot escape. I cant truly be myself around anyone. I cut and im an anorexic. My friend is the only one who knows me and what i do. I dont know what to do. All i want is to be skinny and smart and atheletic and pretty. But i always get bad grades, i always lose to athletic challenges, im fat and growing up sizes and everyone else has perfect hair, skin, smile. Just everything about everyone else ks perfect but me. I hate myself and wish i was dead. But im trapped on earth. My living hell. All i know is pain and no one can save me.

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