i cut and i really do hate myself..

by kat

so im 13 and in 8th grade. i found this site because i typed in cutting on google..

i cut myself and i have been for almost a year. i hate it, i want to stop so bad now. i hate myself for doing it the first time. i wasnt this depressed the first time i did it and now it's gotten bad.. and i cant find my razor so im going completely insane right now but im trying to hold it in.

i hate myself so much because i was physically abused by my dad..and ive always been mentally abused by him my whole life..he has alot of mental problems-he has no job no money no house lives off of shelters now a boarding house..he's a lowlife..im only aloud to see him in public.i hate him its his fault for that and for everything but of course i love him hes my dad.. then i was molested when i was 12..by my brothers friend who was drunk/high, he was 17..not even a month after that happened, i was so sad i started smoking weed/drinking/doing stupid things.. etc. i was just a complete mess..what brought me back together was this girl i started being friends with, me and her were just friends that would do stupid stuff together but we started talking about why we would and we became really close and decided to stop.. so i did stop smoking/drinking etc..it was hard, but i did..about 3 months after i stopped i started to get really depressed.i was inside my house for about 2 and a half weeks straight..i didnt go to school.it was when swine flu was going around at school so i pretended to be sick..i got really depressed those weeks and i cut myself for the first time. it didnt really bleed it was just thick. after that i did it every now and then but they were basically just scratches i did it to take my anger out. then one day it started bleeding and i LOVED it.. it felt sooo good i cant explain it.. so i started doing it more and more..and now. i can't stop, i do it at least 3/4 times a week.. and its so hard to just stop.. it feels like everythings just coming out of me and pouring--it makes me know im still here, alive. no one notices it... my boyfriend knows but idk if he understands how i feel. :( now i honestly have no clue what to do.. someone help me?????? :(

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Stop Cutting
by: Smiley

Cutting is just going to destroy your body. I went through a stage in my life where I became utterly depressed (read my story under the WHATS NEW page, it's called Becoming Me), and I hated every part of me, but then I found Christ again, and like you, I felt like crying and screaming was a way to pour things out of me, but you used cutting as a way to "pour out" your emotions. God taught me that it's okay to cry and to scream, but then, we have to move on and forget about the past. I'm not saying cutting is right, because it's not whatsoever, but you need help. Calmly tell a trusted adult that you have a serious problem and that you need to have sharp objects around you taken away for about four weeks. Take it as a "cutting detox" I know that ever if a kid (even though I'm only 13) ever came up to me and said I have a problem and I need help, I would NOT judge them WHATSOEVER. I would help them every possible way I could and help them recover. You need to, to. Listen to a song called Let It Go by tenth avenue north, they helped me heal and let go of my past and move on. We can't change what happened in the past, we can only change what's going to happen in our future. If you stop cutting yourself, you might feel better. Sure, for the first two weeks, maybe even three, you're going to go insane with wanting that razor, but if you REALLY want to stop, bury your razor and other sharp objects or destory them PERMENTALY.
I hope this helped.

Thankss !!!
by: kat

that made me feel better just looking that someone commented me..thank you so much.i have therapy tomorrow its my second time going. and im listening to the song now :)

hang on
by: Natasha

It's good that you're in counseling. Stick with it no matter how hard it gets! Your counselor can help you deal with the emotions you have from your past & your feelings toward your dad. I think it's natural for you to love your dad even if you hate the things he does. However, even though he's your dad, he has no right to ever abuse you!
I'm sorry you had to go through sexual abuse. Know that it is not your fault! I am a survivor as well & also injuried as a way to cope. I can tell you it will not help!
It is important to keep yourself safe. If the person who hurt you is still around, you must tell an adult who can help you take the proper legal precautions to keep you safe.
It is important that you stop injurying! Again, stay in counseling. Be honest with your therapist. Set healthy boundaries between you and your dad. Develop healthy coping skills(see the article on coping skills on the main page of this section). You will be okay. Just keep up the hard work. You are not alone.

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