i cant help it!
by dont wanna say
it all started one xmas,
i was only 11.
one of my friends cut herself once, i didnt think much of it. she explained how it was the only thing to turn to. i was in a long relationship at the time, and found out my boyfriend had to move schools. after that i became all differnt, all upset and didnt really know why. so i turned to cutting, i hated myself for it. i hid it, and tryed my best for no one to see it. when they did, i had to lie... i hated lieing to people about, but i knew it was for the best.
then i carryed on being really upset all the time, i hated it and just wanted to be happy.
then i started smoking...
i lost two of the bestest friends in the whole world over it. it broke me, so i carryed on self harming, i still hated myself for it.
then, i fell for my other bestfriend, so i turned bi.
i ended up kissing her, and she told me she felt the same way to. untill she went off and told everyone, i got bullied so much becuz of it.
then time pasted, lots of things happend and i carryed on selfharming.
one of the worst things to happen was when the boy, i really liked ended it with me. and it wasnt till then i understood when someone said 'heart broken' cuz i honestly felt like someone grabed your heart a tared it up.
around that time, i had my friends back that i lost.
and i didnt hate myself for cutting, i just plan hated myself. it was then when i tryed killing myself quite alot, i just hated life.
but i carred on, a few more boys that wanted to brake my heart, but still none as bad as the other boy.
near the end of year 7, about 2 weeks before i talked to my form tutor, and she said its best to tell my mum. so i did and it wasnt as bad as i thoght, she stuck by me. and then i got school concerling. but that was only for a week then we broke up from school.
it was about 2 weeks into the holidays, and selfharm got really really bad. i got called 'emo' and 'greb' and then i died my hair black, and dressed all emo. i hated life and tryed killing myself many times again. my friend took me to a proper place to sort me out, and im still on a list for proper concelering now. and my mum took me doctors and i have weekly appointments. but then i met this guy, super nice and i knew he was differnt, it was love at first sight. everything was fine, then i saw the boy who broke my heart again, and fell stragit back for him. and i didnt know what to do, by this time (witch is now) i hadnt cut myself for a while. but still thoght of it. and thats my story so far, god knows whats gonna happen. im dreading going back to school, with the bullying and name calling. but if youu selfharm, and are not addticed, trust me. dont carry on, or youu will get addicted and trust me youu will hate it. or just talk to someone, it may be hard but its the best thing to do honest. i pray for everyone and i give everyone my hope to give up and get past this (: