changed. life. forever.

by McKenna
(NC)

well, i lived in Floida for about ten years. My grandmother was then diagnosed with breast cancer. Me, my sister, brother and mom all moved in with her to help her out and be there with her through all the chemotherapy. In the mean time my dad decided that we would sell our house and move to North Carolina once my grandma was better. Our house finally sold, and my grandma was finally cancer free after about 1 year. We moved to North Carolina, at this point i was 11 about to turn 12. For most girls, the start of puberty.I began gaining weight and changing. Something i wasn't use to, nor ready for. My dad worked two jobs, my mom starting working..my mom was a stay at home mom for 16 years. Now, she was a workaholic. That definitely took adjustment. With that said, i never heard the words "you're beautiful. i love you just the way you are!" from either of my parents. At 12 years old, in fifth grade i began comparing myself to models in the magazine, my best friend at the time who was a stick 12 and 60 pounds..i never felt good enough. I then started middle school. I was exposed to things i never thought about doing to become "skinny" I stopped eating and worked out all the time, and if i ate i would drink a whole bottle of soda and throw all of it up. I would even STEAL laxatives and diet pills! The media killed my body. The devil whispered in my ears that i wasn't good enough for anyone. I was never going to be skinny enough. And if you know me..im a determined kind of person. I was determined to show him wrong..So, i would overdose on diet pills. Wouldn't eat for days. Until came the night where i was so upset that my body began to shut down. i couldn't breath. i couldn't do anything. I was immediately rushed to the hospital. The doctors told me that i was going to have to get my stomach pumped out from all of the pills i had taken in. I was going to have to go onto a strict diet so that my body could go back to normal. What really scarred me were these words coming out of a doctors mouth " If you continue this lifestyle, your stomach will continue to eat itself away and you will eventually..die!" Hearing the word Die scarred me and thats exactly what i needed. My friend Haley, who encouraged me to go to church every week, finally took me and that wednesday night i was saved. that sunday i invited my mom..we wept the whole service. Now i am HEALTHY, and beautifully made! thanks Haley for showing me that i AM good enough..and if not for the world..God loves me.