wish i was skinny...

by sassy
(madrid)

hi
I just turned 14 this month and i think im becoming closer friend to ana.i guess it started in feb.my bestfriend told me that we couldnt be friebds anymore and i had a bad reputation.i was in a slut list but never had a bf.i started eating less and less but ofcourse didnt notice it.summer was tough i cried and cried all day.iknow im depressed i have a history of family depression.i also hated my parents we used to be realy close.when i turned 14 i also became bulimic but stopped because my throat hurts and water with phlegm only comes up.i then started not eating until im 100 pounds i wanted to be skinny.all i see right now is fat.im also starving right now.my parents force feed me and i hate it.one time i was so down so i decided to steal my sister's depression pills and it just made me dizzy so i stopped.im almost near my goal im 5''4 and 107 pounds.i lost 1 stone and 7 pounds.sometimes i pray to god and tell him to take me and save others instead anyway im worthless and no one would miss me.i have nightmares all the time my parents finding out etc.thats my i slept less but my baby santo nino makes my nightmares go away and im thankful for that.i wish i was s faithful to god as before.i really want to feel close with him again.anyway tanks for reading my story:) and god bless you all.

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Skinny
by: Steph

I'm so sorry that you have been going through everything that you have. It sounds like you've had a really tough year. I've gone through the same experience before where best friends cut off ties. It really hurts! Did you feel the way about yourself when you had your friend the way you do now? It may be really hard for you but I think you should discuss this with a school counselor or your parents. It's not going to be easy but they will be able to help you get help and the right medication or other means to help you deal with your sadness. Remember you are a child of God and that in itself makes you unbelievably beautiful! You don't have to go through this alone. Ask God to help you face your fears and get help and ask him to help you with all of the things in your life that you're having trouble dealing with. Let him know that you want to have a closer relationship again and make it happen. Everybody is beautiful in their own way. What qualities about yourself do you like the best? I'll be praying for you and I hope that you find a resolution to your depression soon.

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