ummm...i have couple of things...

by Magali
(Chicago)

I’m 19 years old now. I have been struggling with myself on and off. It comes and goes. I think it started since I was 12-13 years old. All my life I have been so skinny- even though I eat a LOT. I don’t know where it all goes, because I don’t even exercise. I guess it’s just how I am. I mean I don’t want to get umm…overweight either. I’m 5’ 5, and last time I got weight, I weight 105. I don’t consider myself beautiful. I just consider myself ok/simple. People, when they see me, think I’m anorexic or something. I hate people calling me skinny. Just like a fat girl won’t like to be call fat.

This is what I think about myself:
•I’m too skinny. Have no butt, no boobs. AND I’m 19!!!!!! UGH!
•I don’t look my age. I think I look like I’m 12 or 15.
•My face is mess up. (pimples, acne scars)
•My teeth are mess up. ( I need braces)
•I wished I wouldn’t use glasses. I barely started using contacts but… I can’t afford to get new ones every three months.

So I guess it’s basically everything. I wish I can change my face, my teeth, and my body. The only two things I like are my eyes. (Hazel) and my flat tummy. (That I don’t work out to have it that way).I don’t think I’m at least pretty or don’t feel comfortable without make up.

Not so long ago…I shared this with my boyfriend. He told me that I’m perfect the way I am. That I’m beautiful without make up (that’s how he met me in the first place) and with makeup I still look beautiful. But why is that I can’t accept it!? I wished I could fix myself.

But then I think about that God created me..I can’t be ugly. It’s a battle in my mind. Then I blame myself..I noticed that I am how I am. I didn’t listen to my mom when she told me to watch tv far, not close to it. I wished I listen to her when she told me not to bite my nails..my teeth wouldn’t have been mess up. I wished I listen to her when she told me not to pop the pimples. And my skinniness…idk about that. I’m the oldest, I have to younger sisters. And yet I have the smallest boobs and butt of them two! ….

I’m really trying to see what is beautiful. I know I shouldn’t care that much because outside beauty is only temporary. i'm like fighting myself.


Comments for ummm...i have couple of things...

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Oct 15, 2009
It is tuff being a girl sometimes
by: Courtney

I know you may not believe it but even the most beautiful of girls don't always feel secure with themselves. In fact there are many beautiful girls who wouldn't even look in the mirror and see beauty. Its hard because you may notice one ''tiny flaw" and focus your attention on that when some else would not even notice it at all. That is how we tend to see ourselves...in bits and pieces rather than in a whole picture view. Don't you ever notice that the people that love us love us just because of who we are and not becasue of the color of our hair or the straightness of our teeth? Think about the way you view people. Are you only friends with people with perfect teeth or nice new clothes? Of course not! People who love you and care about you love you for just that. They love you so much there has to be something inside of you that is truly great, right? You may not trust yourself initally but take their word for it and use that to see that YES you are worth it and YES you are beautiful and great! I know its important to love yourself but sometimes it is hard. But you need to dig deep inside and think of all that you are good at and all the things that make you you. I know you mentioned a few things you liked about yourself but think harder and I am sure there will be alot more that you notice. As far as you body image is it is normal for every woman to wish she had someone else's body. Skinny, big boobs, small boobs, big butt, small butt....all of these can make a body and all of these are just fine to be or to have. If you are worried about being liked by the opposite sex dont worry men love woman of all shapes and sizes. And you should love yourself too! You are perfect the way God made you and you are just how you were supposed to be. How can you argue with that? Best wishes and hang in there. You will soon come to see just how great you are!

Dec 12, 2009
God didn't make any mistakes
by: Rachel

Hi! I was so excited to read your post because it sounds like we have a lot in common! I am 19 also and I have also always been very skinny. I am 5'6 and yes I also weigh 105 lol I also look a LOT younger than I am. This runs in my family because my mom looks about 30 years younger than she is. Trust me, if we are not greatful for these genes now, we will be as we age!! I know what you mean about people calling you anorexic or skinny...I don't think they realize how that is just as bad as calling someone fat. I struggled each time I overheard phrases from women such as "no man wants a bone" and "men are naturally attracted to childbearing hips." I worried about whether or not I was attractive to guys since I dont have curves. In highschool, I even dated a guy who told me I was too small and needed to gain weight. I actually tried to gain weight once and managed to put on a few pounds after extreme measures such as stuffing myself to the point where I felt like my stomach would explode and I had trouble sleeping at night from being so full... my weight ended up going right back to 105 and I eat a healthy and balanced diet so this is just my natural size. Fortunately, I am in the process of accepting my body frame as it is, because like you said it is just how we are...and there is nothing wrong with it because its how God made us!!! I would encourage you to exercise though at least 3 times a week. Even though we are thin we still need to exercise to take care of our bodies and stay healthy. Instead of doing an intense workout like cardio at the gym, I just work out in my apartment by stretching, lifting weights, doing calf raises, doing squats,and doing push-ups. These exercises help build muscle in the arms, thighs, and calfs. This not only allows me to see the full potential of the body that God has given me but it supplies me with energy and keeps me healthy and strong.
I also have acne. I realize that acne is a chronic condition so I go to a dermatologist regularly to keep it under control. I would encourage you to do this if possible, and most importantly pray and ask God to heal your skin!!! My skin has cleared up amazingly in a short amount of time!
I also wear glasses ( didn't I say we had a lot in common?? lol). Don't worry about wearing glasses. I have heard that they actually make people look older so this could help with the fact that you feel like you look too young! Glasses are very sophisticated and give people a look of seriousness about them!
And you are right...when God created you he made you just right! He did not make any mistakes!!!! Love and accept yourself the way that God made you and ask God to show you your true beauty!!!

Feb 25, 2010
Thank You
by: Magali

Thank you Courtney and Rachel for your words. Yes, its hard being a girl. and God dont make mistakes.
I am learning to see my true beauty, and so far im amaaze. But I know i havent discover it fully.
And when it does happen, and i fully become the women that God wants me to be, i'm sure it will be wonderfull.

Keep me in your prayers. :)

oh and Rachel when i read yours, it was funny how we have things in common.

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