Thought I was too fat to be loved....

by Laura
(MN)

I'm not sure where to start...

Well basically the lie that I've believed for a long time was that I was too fat for any guy to like me. Like I believed that I had to be skinny with no lumps and perfect proportions just to have a chance. I don't believe this now, but this lie hit me the hardest my junior year.

See, I just moved to a different state that summer. And one of the first things I noticed about the girls were that they were generally thinner than girls back where I used to live. This made me feel awkward. It also didn't help that I had to go to a new school and that I had no friends.

During my school year though, things started to get worse. I seriously began to think that I needed to be skinny as everyone else. So I started to diet/exercise in an attempt to lose weight. I went badly. I would always obsess about what to eat and how much to eat and what workout to do etc. I would beat myself up and cry whenever I didn't stick to my workout schedule or overeat. My body would ache from all the exercise I did and I would think that it's because I was weak and stuff like that. And whenever I did eat I would feel guilty for letting myself get out of control. Several time I was tempted to puke up my food after eating. I didn't though because I knew that it was wrong. But I still couldn't see that I was being too hard on myself.

During this time, I would get depressed. I would be anti social and not open up to people. By the end of the school year I was believing other lies about myself (like I wasn't important,etc.) I seriously wanted to die.

During the summer I was able to get free of all this thanks to God's help. It was at a Christian camp when I finally admitted that I was sick of being depressed all the time and wanted to change. Since then I've started to feel better about myself and be more content. Though I'm still overweight and feel ugly sometimes, (even though my friends insist that I'm not and some are even jealous of my curves), I know that I don't have to live this way anymore, and that God will provide me a spouse someday. (that's another long story in itself.)

What I have to say is that if you've ever been in a place like I was I would say that you should trust God, that He would take care of your problems and provide for you. He also loves you for who you are. Don't forget that. Thanks for reading.