Struggle within

Hello, I'm Bethany. I'm 16 years old. I love God with all my heart and have had a great time counseling teens. I think that God can heal me, but I don't know how to get to that point. I'll tell you about my struggle. When I was in 6th grade, I was taller and bigger than most girls. I played all sports. At this time I was in basketball, and I wanted to drop some weight so I dropped breakfast, and then lunch and found myself exercising all the time. I would before I went to bed. Teachers began to notice that I lost some weight and stressed concern. I was like no, but I knew the truth and what I really felt with in. It got worse I felt sick all the time and they said I looked like a bump on a log. I tried my best to get people off my back. I went to a church camp and they asked me if I knew what anorexia was and they told me all about it and how to give it to God. I did it and it was amazing! Then I gained weight over the years and now last year this summer I went to the beach and saw that I was five times bigger than the other teens there. I started to run a little. I now run five miles and do a ton of sit ups. I started to not eat again. I find my self staring in the mirrors for hours. I wear belts tight to look thin and beautiful. I hate me and yet I feel totally out of control I think I'm in control but I'm not.. Can I have advice? There's a lot more to say but I shortened it... Thanks. God bless.

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