Slowly Becoming Free from Cutting
(Boiling Springs, NC)
I have been struggling with cutting myself for a couple years now. The need for relief started when I was about 12 or 13 and my mom had told me to stop crying when I'd be really upset about something. So I just started holding everything in for the past few years.
Well it got to the point that I just HAD TO do something. I'd heard about cutting as a form of release, and had talked to others on a couple of message boards who were doing it, and they liked it.
I'll never forget that first cut. It's not that it was bad, because it wasn't; what I'll forever remember about it is how it started this horrible 'habit' with me. It got to the point that that was all I'd think about. I started talking to my youth leaders because I knew I needed help, and I was beginning to hate it soooo much, but felt as though I couldn't go on without it.
About a year ago, They ended up telling my parents. My parents said that if I didn't stop it immediately, they wouldn't let me go away to school. So I stopped just because I wanted to get outta the house. I stopped for 5 months. About a week after I started school, so much junk happened and I gave in. It got to the point that I didn't want to live and would cut almost every single day. I got myself into counseling, and am now able to go about 1 month without giving in. a few months ago, I learned that I have both depression and anxiety problems, and have a couple of anxiety attacks, which have scared me half to death. Its a forever fight, but I am finding freedom.
God is using counseling to help me become free from cutting. I'm now able to work through everything that I hadn't been able to. I'm excited for the day when I'm forever free of it! When that day comes, all I'll be able to say is THANK YOU JESUS FOR FREEING ME COMPLETELY OF THIS!!