Secrets Not told

Hi, Im a "cutter" I guess you could say,It surprises myself how I ended up on this website. I think its because Im tired of crying and cutting all the time. I mean dont get me wrong, cutting is the only thing I know how to do. But heres my story.

Im the perfect student. A honor-roll, and the calm kid at home, who never bends boundaries and its such a great kid. I dont think people know how much of an impact, one title can make on someone.

I began punishing myself when I did bad on a test, or got my mom upset because thats not how it was suppose to happen. No, I was suppose to be the perfect kid and if I wasnt that, what was I?

Things became worse when my dad stop sending child support. Sometimes it sounds like my mother resents me. She mutters under her breath how lucky she is for getting such a crappy life. Things became so out of hand, I stopped talking about my feeling and started cutting even more. Soon, I became a pro. I could do at least 5 cuts in less that 2 min. I would have an anxiety attack if I couldnt find my knife, or my long earring back.

I have so many scars on me but more to come. My story isnt like those survival stories that end up with a happy ending. This is my reality. Im a cutter.

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You're not alone.
by: Anonymous

Hey, I don't know how long ago you posted this, but I've decided to reply.. and hopefully you'll see this.

Basically, reading your story was like listening to myself. I feel the same way about everything. I know what it's like to put a fake smile on every single day and have everyone think you have everything so together, but really inside you're screaming on the top of your lungs. I know what it's like to feel unwanted, like you were a mistake and you don't deserve to speak your mind.
I'm guessing that's how you're feeling. Like if you mess up in any way you have to punish yourself, because the guilt burns inside like fire. And if you don't cut, you'll feel like you'll explode.

You're not alone. I'm truly sorry you have to go through life feeling like that because I honestly know what it's like. And I pray to God that you will find a way out.

I know your reality. I live the same reality everyday. Not telling anyone how you feel, cutting alone and acting fine the next day.
I'll be praying for you.

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