playing hide and seek with myself

by stephanie bull
(kernersville, n.c)

im laughing at the things you say but dying here inside. im scared that you will see the things that i have tried to hide. do you know im faking laughter? that im faking all these smiles? did you know that i cut myself at night and let blood drip on the tiles? i know that its not healthy but the pain is my release. i dont know how to deal with it im lost and i cant breathe. inside my chest,resounding,that hollow,biting ache. in this life of mine theres not much more i can take.to you i may seem happy, i seem like im ok. you dont see all my tears or know i want to die today. There is no one to save me as i lie here in the floor. for me no one is coming no one will open the door. my heart is broken and battered im not completely whole.i feel so empty, hollow. like i have no heart, no soul. when i was younger i was taught to never cry. but holding all my sadness in, i feel i want to die. Will i be here forever? am i cursed to be alone? i guess im stuck here in this hell. in a house thats not a home.