Perfectionist... Or at least trying to be

by Shakira
(New York)

I am 13 years old... This summer I have been really cautious about my weight and then developed low self esteem. My mom tries to help boost my self esteem by making me laugh. Like today I tried to make myself throw up but it did not work. So now I am working on not eating but it is hard because I think I am addicted to food. I try to be perfect all of the time. Especially with my grades if I don't get 90 or higher I get mad and start to cry and feel worthless. I am like 168 pounds and I want to get to 100. I don't like to tell my mom what I am going through because I know she will feel bad and start crying. I really have no friends... People I thought were my friends turned out to be phonies.

Comments for Perfectionist... Or at least trying to be

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You are beautiful!
by: Anonymous

You are beautiful... Don't let the tv adds or the models or what ever else influences you tell you different... Keep on praying and trusting in the Lord!

In Response to Shakira
by: Jessica

Shakira,

You're only 13 and you're striving for something that does not exist. Perfect does not exist so what are your striving for? If you want to lose weight for personal reasons then please do it the right way, making yourself throw up is not the way, you will have health problems and seriously develop Aneorexia, you say u want to go down to 100, well pretty soon 100 will be too much..next thing you know you'll be 55 lbs! PLEASE reconsider that. Get on a diet plan if you seriously feel the need to lose weight. As for your grades, I think its great that you strive for excellence but you have to realize that a 90 is GREAT!! Especially when you try your best. Things are not going to work in your favor all the time, but God is always on your side. God Bless.

Healing is Possible!!
by: Alison

Wow, Shakira. Sounds like there's a lot going on right now! I'm glad you reached out and shared your feelings. Know that you are definitely NOT alone! And know that healing is possible. I myself have struggled with similar things and overcome!! I'd love to share more of my story and learn more about yours, if you like. I am a teen mentor for this website. I hope to hear from you!



Wonderful
by: Jacqueline

It's ok to want to be and do better. It's ok to want to be the best you. It is not ok to want to be someone else. God has created the butterfly and the lion. Both different yet beautiful. How would it look if a lion acted like a butterfly, or a butterfly acted like a lion? This is how God views YOU: Psalm 139:12-14:

"For you created my inmost being;you knit me together in my mother?s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful,I know that full well."

YOU were wonderfully made. God made no mistakes on YOU.

Nobody's Perfect!
by: Sarah

Dear Shakira,
It sounds like your under a lot of stress right now, and i know it sounds hard but you really need to talk to someone because you will feel better if you express your feelings!
Please don't strive to be perfect, remember no one is perfect and you should try to be your own person instead of a clone of people you see on the tv, who set unrealistic goals for many teenagers just like you!
As for your grades, you shouldn't put yourself under so much stress! It sounds like you're a great student who always tries to work hard, this is all your parents and teachers want you to achieve!
Remember no one is addicted to food and it is perfectly normal to eat more food as you're still growing! You're at a very healthy weight for your age and by making yourself lose so much it will make you ill. Please dont do this to yourself! :)

dude...
by: Summer

Ok, if you are small and 168 pounds and don't feel healthy, then maybe you should lose weight in a good and safe way. But, if your doctor says you are not overweight, don't lose then weight!

I was exactly where you are.
by: Larissa

I'm 14 years old and in recovery/relapse with my eating disorder. I have a severe mood disorder, have been hospitalized, attempted suicide twice, and have been self-harming for 4-5 years. Hear me out- I want to help you.

Honey, you just have to hang in there. I'm quite a bit of a perfectionist myself- all of my marks are above 90%. I know what you mean by feeling worthless if they're not that high. I can't help you in that aspect because I'm still struggling with perfectionism myself.
What I CAN say is that I regret having my eating disorder. It made everything in my life 100% worse. If you feel like you need to lose weight, try consulting your Mother, or a friend, or somebody who is educated in fitness and health. You can lose weight the healthy way.
Keep in mind that you're growing, and your weight will have to go up as you grow. That's something that's hard for even me to understand.

The hardest thing to do, honey, is to battle that voice. I know you hear that voice who tells you what to eat and how to exercise. You have to get rid of that voice. It'll probably be the hardest thing to do in your life- ever. To ignore it. It'll be difficult.

But I believe in you.
If you keep going down this path, you're going to die. In a couple years, or months, you'll wish you just resisted the urge. The media is so stuck on 'skinny-girl' ideal... but why be apart of that trend? Be yourself. If people don't like it, they aren't worth your time.

Best of luck to you, hon.

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