part of the journey

For a long time, growing up my father called me fat, told me to lose weight. He said I was disgusting, and any time I would try to eat in front of him he would make me feel guilty. In time I began to not eat, and I did lose weight. I believed the lie that he told me, because I though that a father was supposed to love his daughter. For a long time, I hated my self, my body, my dad and at some points God. When I was 19 I left home, and its take two years for me to acknowledge that I need help. A lot more has happened in my life, more than I will ever be able to say in just one sitting. I'm grateful I found this tonight, I've been searching in this mess of a life and still haven't found the answers. I may not ever find an answer for why things happen the way they do, but I realize where my peace should come from now. Before I really valued what others thought of me, "who I was" and had several beliefs about myself that weren't true. I always try to live up to other people's expectations, because I value what my so called friends think of me. I realize now that God is the only one, who's opinion matters, beyond my self. I can't believe what anyone else says about me, because no one knows me better than my self and my God.

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