never good enough

by Sharnetta C.
(Michigan)


As a young girl I was always a very confident happy child who loved food and love to eat. I was never over weight but some might say I was overly chubby. When I was in middle school It was apparent to me that I was bigger than everyone else because I wasn’t in my eyes. I thought I was fine the way I was and that I would grew into myself and that it was just baby fat. I started getting comments about my weight from other people even people who I thought were my friends. I never let them know it bothered me because they were my friends and I thought they were kidding and I was just being overly sensitive. I started hearing more and more comments about how I was fat and I needed to lose weight and how I wasn’t cute, it hurt a lot. And it hurt even more when I would hear it from my parents. I could hear them talk about how I eat like I’m eating for two or three or how I can’t wear certain things because I’m fat or how you have to lose weight because you have to fit into certain clothing. My dad would call me nick names like: pugsy, tubby and lot sorts of inappropriate names regarding to my weight. It all hurt me so bad that I got really depressed and started to be really introverted and really self conscious about everything I say, eat and wear. I hated everyone for making me feel this way. When I got into high school I started taking drastic measures to lose weight, like eating less and over exercising. It seemed to be working and I was very pleased but I knew it wasn’t right, but I just couldn’t stop I loved the way I was looking and I could wear things that I could never wear before and I started getting a lot more attention. Even though I seem to be happy on the outside I was miserable on the inside and still had low self esteem. In my spare free time I started to exercise more and more and it got so bad that my parents actually started to notice and ask me what I was doing and they think I had a problem and that I should l stop. My parents don’t really believe or understand eating disorders or depression and they judge a lot so I never told them exactly what I did just that I would stop and to leave me alone. When they noticed it scared me because I thought they would talk to me about it and I didn’t want to at all because they’re so difficult to talk to. So I started to calm down a bit and not work out as much and just eat normally. To this day I still have problems with my weight and also think I could be thinner or weight less but I’m starting to realize with the help of god that he made me this way for a reason and I’m never going to be as thin as any model I see in the magazines I just have to except myself the way I am. Even though my dream is to model, but I want to be a real model and show people the real me, and show people that real women have different bodies and curves and not everyone is a size 0. It’s hard and sometimes I get really down on myself but I never want to go back to that place where I would barely eat anything and constantly work out. And with the strength of god and I never will.

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Learn to be happy
by: Tatiana

Sharnetta,

I think you realize very deep inside that you are beautiful and good enough for anything you decide to do in your life. We are conditioned since the early age to be critical to ourselves and to make everyone around us happy. Later, some of us still come to our senses and ask ourselves: "Am I happy?" "What makes me happy?" "What do I love to do to keep myself that way?" This is not selfish at all. Your spirit will guide you to find the right path for yourself and help others on your way.

I think this self exploration process is very important for every woman. You will learn what you need spiritually, emotionally and intellectually. Keeping yourself in a good physical shape is also very important, because our bodies is where our beautiful spirits reside. Just do it lovingly and take good care of yourself, and you will see the difference.
You are truly beautiful as you are, but only when you feel in harmony with yourself and your spirit.


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