My Body, My Face

by Leah
(U.S.)

I hate my body. Even my mom said that I should lose weight. I'm not obese, but I have a little too much stomach fat. I feel like kids my own age are uncomfortable around me because all of them are stick thin and I'm not.

They also seem uncomfortable around me because of my acne. I have combined skin, so it's really hard to treat it. I have acne everywhere! My nose, forehead, chin, lower cheeks, and even on my chest and back. I wear modest tops and makeup to conceal the worst of my acne, but it still hurts.

I'm not sure why, but kids at my church are so distant from me, they don't even like to talk to me. I've had some times with depression and even more times where I have cried myself to sleep.

Things seem like they'll never get better, but I'll keep on trying, even though the case seems hopeless.

Comments for My Body, My Face

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Apr 03, 2009
things will get better
by: cassandra

kids can be SOOOO cruel..believe me, i know..last year, when i was working consistently at burger king, i was always having to work wednesday nights, so i didnt get to see any of my friends at church..well, one saturday night, that i wasn't working, our youth group went out and i went with them, and it wasnt the same..it felt like i wasnt even in the youth group..i was completely ignored and everything..but now things have gotten better..things will get better for you.i'm praying that things do get better for you..you probably don't wanna hear this, but maybe if your friends seem to wanna distance themselves from you because of your acne and weight, then maybe they're not your real friends because your real friends love you for you, no matter what you look like

Apr 03, 2009
Thanks
by: Leah

Yeah. I've figured that out. But I have found a few people who like me at my church.

I'm not sure whether the group I was talking about are my friends or not, but they used to be. I think something happened when I moved and then came back. I guess something just dropped. But thanks. I'm glad it got better for you, and I'm hoping that things'll get better for me. I mainly hang out with them because my mom wants me to, but I have figued out that they really don't like me that much, and I don't have to bother with them much anymore, Sundays and occasionally Fridays. And teen retreats, that was the only time the girls actually seemed to like me. They talked to me and I talked back. But at church they don't seem to like me. Maybe the boys don't like me and then the girls just ignore me because they are afraid if the boys might laugh at them. I don't know, there are so many possibilities about my problem I don't even know where to start.

Apr 03, 2009
Beautiful
by: Croi Bris

"Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised."
-Proverbs 31:30

Hey Leah,
Beauty on the outside hardly matters, and to feel accepted you must think you are first. It's kinda like those girls you see at school who all the guys think are gorgeous. Think about it: are they really gorgeous, or do they just carry themselves that way? Most people who are found to be beautiful in this world carry themselves and think themselves pretty. Point? Self confidence! As long as you are okay with how you look and feel like you're healthy and happy, then what does it matter what others think? We're all slowly dying on this planet, from that fatal, no cure disease called Humanity, and time here is short and precious, not something to be wasted on with self pity and depression. Love your life!

Dear Lord, I pray that Leah finds within herself the beauty she has, both inside and out, and I pray also for others to see into her heart and know her soul, not her flesh. I pray that true friends find their way to her for comfort and support and for her to love You with all her heart and mind. Amen.

Apr 04, 2009
You are Helping
by: Leah

Thank you so much. Yeah. I am happy, and I'm trying to feel happy about myself. That is why I decided to become homeschooled for a year or two. I needed to get my life back on track. But I understand that I need to be happy with myself and I try, just sometimes when your parents start saying things (even if they don't realize it) mean to you, then that can really hurt, especially since my mom is one of the only people I can really confide in. I try to think that only my opinion matters and only God's opinion matters. I saw a slideshow my grandma sent me. One slide says "It is funny how we value more about people's opinions than God's". I think that is so true. I think they should put more "realistic girls" in movies and ads and TV shows, because that can have a lot of impact on girls.

Apr 04, 2009
Definition of Me
by: Shelley

Leah,
I'm so glad God is touching your heart and helping you in this area of body image.

Have you heard Mandisa's new song called Definition of Me? It's powerful because this entire album called "Freedom" was written as Mandisa began to surrender her food addiction to God. Here are the lyrics:


Lyrics:

Everybody's got an opinion
Of what they want me to be
Everybody's got a condition
That I may never meet

So tired of looking in the mirror
It always says the same thing
I want to be about something different
Something more than the mirror can see

Like joy, peace
Alive in me
When it comes to my identity

I want the love
I want the light
I want the beauty
On the inside
I want the one that you can't see
To be the definition of me
More than the face
More than the girl
More than the voice
More than the world
I want the truth that I believe
To be the definition of me

Pretty is cool for a minute
But it always fades away
Trends are hot for a second
They'll be gone the very next day

So before you get lost in the moment
Let’s get one thing clear
Only love will last forever
That's the reason that we're here

It's up to you ‘cause everybody's looking
Who do you want them to see?

Chorus

They say I’m cute with the boots
And the trendy attire
You kinda reminiscent of a younger Mariah
But do they see beyond what I got, what I rock
They’d be shocked if they knew it was my soul that was hot
Hot boys don’t affect my own self respect (no!)
And neither do the magazines and vanity tests
Yo Disa make a list
Who’s fly and what’s next
Start it off with love, joy, peace, and end it with blessed
Muah!

Chorus

(Featuring Blanca from Group 1 Crew) / (1 Peter 3:3-4, Philippians 3:7-11)

You can hear some of Mandisa's story here:

Apr 05, 2009
I've realized something
by: Leah

I have realized that most of the tweens and teens at my church aren't my friends, or they are people I don't want to be my friends. One girl, who is new to the church (she has been here only a few months) and one day when she wasn't there, she had already left, one of the girls said "I'm glad Julie* is finally leaving us alone." I was so mad, but I didn't have the courage to tell them what I really felt. Now, a few weeks later, I have figured it out: They aren't people I want as my friends, if they act nice to a person, but then are mean behind their backs. I wish I had realized it sooner, but now, instead of trying to talk to them all the time, I'm going to talk with other people. I'll still talk to them sometimes, but I won't be with them all the time anymore. They aren't the only kids at church, they are just ones I don't want as close friends. I now consider them OK friends. We are on speaking terms, but we aren't close.

Apr 05, 2009
Note
by: Leah

*name changed for privacy

Apr 05, 2009
My mistake
by: Leah

Actually, I confronted one of the girls. She said that she like Julie* (see above note) but that the girl said it only because she could sometimes be annoying, by repeating herself over and over. I said that they (the teens) could give that feeling that they weren't listening. I told her that I felt that way sometimes too, but she said they liked me, it's just that we don't have much to talk about. So they really are good friends, it's just a matter about something to talk about.

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