issues with myself

by kailee
(washington)

im 13 years old and 5'4 weighing 111 pounds. everyone tells me im skinny... but i dont believe them. i keep trying to lose weight the healthy way, but its not working. about a month ago i started going on a pretty healthy diet. i weighed myself today and i've only lost two pounds in one month! that wasn't good enough for me. i dont want my family to think i'm starving myself so i eat dinner. i try not to eat throughout the day but i always give in, and then i feel guilty. so i work out. and i'm still not losing much weight. i've heard all the bad stories about starving yourself so i try not to do it as much, i've made myself throw up after meals but only a couple of times. i just think that if i was skinnier, boys would like me. i've never actually had a real boyfriend, and i just want someone to want me as much as i want them.... i used to cut myself, but i stopped about a month ago. because i found a new way to deal with the pain- which is losing weight. i dont feel good enough for anyone and im always disappointed with myself. i dont know what to do anymore, no one understands me.... i would never try and kill myself but im just so lost right now... i feel happier when i can see that i've lost weight