I'm 16 and I've been cutting for 2 years.

by Kailey
(Vernal, Utah)

My name is Kailey and I'm a cutter.

I can't remember when I started. I've tried several times before actually achieving what I wanted. Now, I am addicted. It probably has to do with the way I am treated as a person. Or it could do with the way my dad is to me.

I am belittled by everything I do, every decision I make, every thought that runs through my mind. Why? If I knew, I wouldn't be having this dilemma.
My family says I should stop and enjoy my life... The problems is, I can't find anything enjoyable about my life, no matter what I'm doing.

I have never been raped or beaten. That is not the cause. Many things trigger it. I can never pin point exactly what does.

My dad has me put on medication, but I don't take them. They don't do anything for me... I also hate the idea of being on medication. I don't like the feeling of being told I have to take something to make me be normal.

What is normal anyway? Does anyone know?

I tried telling my mom what it's like for me. She doesn't understand when I tell her it's an addiction. Just like a smoker is addicted to cigarettes or an alcoholic addicted to alcohol. I do it because I like it... I do it a lot.

I also have trouble with my weight and I'm sure it's a contributing factor as to why I do this. I don't have the willpower to lose any and I can't fight the negative thoughts that radiate out of my mind.

I would be lying if I said I've never tried or thought about suicide. I have. I'm not proud, but I have now also grown an addiction to pain pills.

I'm a troubled child who feels like I am nothing to the world or to any individual, regardless of what is said.

Hopefully this all wears down soon. I've made my body more ugly. A non-changeable ugly. These scars will never fade 100% away and it's something I will be stuck with.

Comments for I'm 16 and I've been cutting for 2 years.

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the Lord is a Strongtower
by: m e l i s a <3

“Even if my father & my mother forsake me, You, Lord will receive me.” Psalm 27:10

Thank you for sharing your story, Kailey, “God wants us to live in the freedom, restoration & wholeness He has for us. It doesn’t matter if we were raised well or poorly we all have things we need to be set free from.” and God can set you free!
I know you said it’s hard for you to find anything good or enjoyable in your life to focus on but this is actually key, God says in Philippians 4:8 “To find whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy & to think about such things.”
Living in a state of negativity is a trap set by the enemy and we have to learn to break free from his bondage. 1Peter 5:8 warns that “your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” and he has chosen you, Kailey! Don’t listen to his lies telling you that you aren’t good enough or that you don’t have anything to offer. Don’t let him tell you that you’re nothing to the world or that you’re ugly because none of it is true. God’s Word tells you what is true & “those who walk in truth walk in victory” so I encourage you to meditate on God’s Word. You can use the scripture I already referenced or a couple of other good ones are: Zephaniah 3:17 - “You, the Lord my God, are w/me, You are mighty to save. You will take great delight in me, You will quiet me with Your love, You will rejoice over me w/singing.” and Psalm 91.
Also, if you are having thoughts of suicide I encourage you to seek further help, perhaps by even calling the hotline(1-800-273-TALK). And believe me I can relate to you not wanting to take your medication but this may end up being something that is best for the mean time while you work towards overcoming your addiction. Do you have any groups or programs through your church that you can join for support & encouragement?

Lord, I lift Kailey up to You right now and ask You to lead her out of temptation & deliver her from evil. You are mighty to save & I ask that You heal her life & make her whole. I pray for her restoration & ask that You help her to seek refuge in You. Open her eyes to what is truth & place a hedge of protection around her from further attacks of the enemy. Let her feel genuinely how much she is loved both by You and by those in her life & let her find comfort in You. Bless her with the strength & endurance to carry on & to stand in victory in the precious blood of Christ Jesus in whose Name it is I pray.

“The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him & delivers them.”(Psalm 34:7)

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