I wish I was skinny..

My name is Holly and I'm 12. My whole life I have been bullied and teased about being fat but I just laughed it off. They thought I didn't care but the truth was I did and I still do.

All my best friends are so thin and I hate being fat. I am about "5ft 4" and weigh 60kgs. That's fat right?

So I decided to stop eating, whenever someone placed food in front of me I would try to get rid of it by throwing it out or tipping it down the sink. Sometimes I would try and eat something (eg; yogurt) but I would just gag and spit it out.

I got skinnier but still no one was paying attention to me so I kept not eating. One day I was horse-riding (my favourite thing to do in the whole world) and I started to get really dizzy and almost fell off my horse and someone gave me something to eat. I was in a daze and then I realised eating wasn't so bad after all.

That was about 3 months ago and I'm fat again. I'm back to weighing 60kg and I do sit ups in my free time, I walk heaps and ride my bike. I still horse-ride for 8 hrs at least every weekend too...but I'm still fat. And I hate it. What should I do?

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In your weakness
by: S'ambrosia

Okay, I'm not so good with translating kilograms to pounds, but I used an online program and it looks like you're 132lbs. which is right in the middle of your ideal weight for your height. I don't know what the problem of these kids is that tease you (maybe jealousy), but you are not fat.

So first of all, please try and believe that what I'm telling you is the truth. If you need to be convinced, go see a nutritionist, or a doctor, and have them tell you what they think about your weight. Once you've got the truth, please give no more attention to the lies that people around you may say, or even the lies that you'll tell yourself when you look in the mirror.

To help solidify this in your mind, put reminders of how beautiful you are around your room. Scriptures from Psalm 139 are always good. It might also be weird to have your friends do this, but if you're comfortable with it, ask them to write down one or two things that they like about you and add them to the notes you hang around your room. Doing something like this will help you focus on the positive, at least in the external sense.

Internally, you're going to have to fight the same battle in your mind. Every time the thoughts arise to stop eating, you're going to have to decide to rely on Christ's strength (if you do know Him as your Saviour), and not your own. You're never going to beat this in your own strength, so you have to let Him be strong in you. The Bible tells us that it's in our weakness that He is strong. It's so awesome that you would come to this site and share your weakness with us, and I'm so glad we can stand with you and support you, but we can't give you the kind of strength you need to fight this thing like He can.

I just encourage you to sit down with God and talk to Him about a few things...

1) Your identity in Him. Ask Him to show you how He feels about the girl He created. Ask Him how He feels when you want to change the way you look.
2) Submit to Him your concerns about your weight and commit to go to Him every time you struggle with wanting to abstain from food. Remember, when He created the human frame, He made us so that we would crave/need food. Your deciding to reject food, is rejecting His plan in a way. It's like saying you have a better way to do it. He knows what He's doing, so you've just got to trust His judgment;)

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