I want to feel confident about myself...

by Jenny
(California)

I'm a 12 year old girl. I want to recover form anorexia.. I cannot be confident about myself though because I still feel fat. I'm 5ft 3in and weigh 97lbs, which is still considered normal and I want to be skinnier... I use to weight 130 lb and was chubby and started to cut out calories around fifth grade, and it just started getting worse and worse. I went from 1000 calories to now, only 200 calories or less. On some days I binge and lose control which just makes me feel worse. Even though I'm not that skinny yet, this lifestyle is torturing. I've been trying to recover, but I feel so fat, I feel ugly and disgusting, and feel out of control after eating a full meal. My lowest weight so far is 89 lbs and I want to be lower than that. I really want to get out of this though, I want to maintain at my current weight of 97 without binging or restricting. What should I do? I really want to recover and be able to live normally and feel normal and good after eating a normal sized meal. But the insides of me keep telling me that I'm fat and that I should lose more. It's a constant battle...please give advice..

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Dear Jenny...
by: Heather

Reaching out online is a great first step, but ultimately the people that can help you the most are the ones who are there with you. You parents, grandparents, the counselors at your school, your youth pastor, doctor, a teacher. Is there an adult in your life that you can trust to open up to the way you did here? Because that's where change happens. I would love to reach through this computer screen and give you a great big hug and walk beside you in this journey, to figure it out together, but that's just not practical. I will be praying for you though.

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