I just need answers
Im trying to understand my feelings. I feel like i have alot of hate and anger deep inside me. I pray to God and talk out my problems but it never goes away. Its like a plague or something. I feel like my heart is being weighted down ,and brick are laying on my back. I'm so angry.
And on top of that i want a boyfriend,but i seem like nothing work out for me. And i pray to God that maybe i could have one but im scared because im afraid that im gonna get a horrible like i did last time when i prayed for one,and that was four years ago and it had effected me greatly. Then the people i like dont like me or the like my friends(i hate that) or the ones that like me i never like. I dont understand why cant i be satisfied. I feel so horrible. I feel miserable. I feel useless. I just feel lonely. I understand why i he might not want me to have a boyfriend, but why do i feel so empty & hallow inside. I just feel like im im being torn apart and then i start feeling selfish because i think i should be happy that i have a family and friends,but i feel so alone. I just feel so alone. I'm so logical i try to figure it out but i cant, and it driving me made.
Im suffering from jealousy, it feels like a disease, i never used to be really jealous but i started hanging out with a new person with a jealousy problem and it like i caught it. And now im jealous of that person. I'm angry at myself for letting me get jealous. The boy i like,i really liked him, was looking at her and and said that she was more his type cause i was to tall. and yes i know except i shouldnt be bothered with someone who cant accept that,but the relationshp escalated to a place i shouldnt have been,when my friend showed no interest in him. And he's not even a boyfriend, and i feel so jealous, cause i hate not feeling good enough. I dont even want this person anymore, but it eats me up inside, and i feel like im being self righteous cause i think im smarter than she is,prettier,funnier,i can sing better and i dont know why i feel the way i do sometimes.
I'm trying to find answers, for what my problem is. I'm angry,jealous,i feel rejected,I feel alone, and i cant feel God. I pray and pray but i feel like hes listening but i must be dong something wrong cause i cant hear his voice for guidance. I'm getting bent ouf of shape. I'm trying to figure out whats wrong with me spiritually? I feel like my heart has been broken for years and it has so many people have hurt me and i just want to be at peace but i cant because it haunts me.
I'm so negative at time. And im getting sick of praying the same prayers, and crying every night. Is God listening?