i felt more alone than ever

by Kenzie

it all started one day at a friends house we were in her basement and there was a shattered mirror on the ground well me ex boyfriend/best guy friend was on the phone and i was still in love with him. so at first it started as a joke and now i know cutting is never a joke. but i picked up the glass and on my arm i just started to scratch my arm with the glass i was acting like i was cutting but i didnt think the scratches would really open up and start to bleed well they did.that night when i got home i hav 27 cuts all the way up my arms and they burnt i was afraid of an infection but not enough to tell my parents.

After that i didnt cut for awhile till i got in a fight with my ex/best guy friend lets just start calling him jdc. well me and jdc got in a huge fight and i knew i still had that same sharp piece of glass in my purse i went strait for it but this time instead of doing it on my arm i did it on my verry upper leg.the next day at school i kept complaining my jeans were hurting my leg and i told a friend i trusted about it.she was kinda of an uptight snobby friend but i still trusted her.well she kinda scowled at me for it and i just ignored her and waited till school got out.that night jdc called me we got over our fight and things were normal the cuts healed.but then a few weeks later i went back to my best friend cassies. we were watching scary movies and me and jdc were then talking i have been in love with jdc for forever and when we were talking we were discussing about how i had earlier that day punched cassies wall and put a hole in it cause we were just both punching things and saying who and what we hated as we did this i screamed jdc's current girlfriends name and put a hole through the wall well i told jdc and he got mad even though he already knew i hated his current girlfriend.well he said he was done with both me and cassie and that he never wanted to see us again. we cried that night and both cut our upper legs and ankles but i cut his name into my ankle the next day at school i had forgotten about the cuts and my friend seen jdc's name on my ankle and my friend also knew i had a lot going on at home because really in this story i havent included the fact my two older brothers and dad were pill addicts and there was a lot of screaming and fighting going on so when i told the friend that i didnt mean to do it i was just very angry she said she would drop it one more time.and since then i havent cut at all but i still do have scars but God has been generous by removing and healing the one of jdc's name on my ankle but i still do have scars but they will eventually fade.

Comments for i felt more alone than ever

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dont deal with it alone
by: kelly

Wow its really upsetting to read about a young girl like yourself in so much pain.
I'm not a doctor but please take my advice and arrange to see one asap. It doesn't have to be your family doctor, you could even see the school nurse. It's not the physical scars i'm concerned about sweetheart[they will heal over time] its your emotional state, you're using self harm to deal with your emotions or when something goes wrong in your life. I realize it's because it's the one thing you've got control over, and it feels like a release at the time.

I sincerely hope you will take my advice and seek some help-its nothing to be ashamed of. You're not going to get judged for it, it would just really help if you informed an adult about this. Maybe you have a favourite teacher or family member?

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