i don't know what is wrong with me

by Lauren
(uk)

I started cutting at the start of 2010, it was january. I was in the car with my dad and i seen these people from my old school, they drove me out of that school and made my life hell for nearly 3 years now. i wasn't going to school, i was so nervous about going outside in case people bullied me. When i went past the bullies in the car they laughed, pointed and took the mickey out of me. I was so annoyed and scared so when i got home i ran to the medicine cupboard and found this weird knife thing, i ran upstairs and cut all up my arm. Still to this day i can faintly see the scars. After that i just kept cutting. I got better after a few months and i stopped cutting for good but everything got worse, i started cutting again and i haven't stopped. I still cut now even though everything is getting better for me but i get myslef confused a lot because sometimes i cut for weird reasons like, if i see i depressed person on tv i go and cut, if i hear my friend has cut and if theres nothing wrong sometimes i cut. It's not for attention even though sometimes i want to show everyone my cuts and scars. I want to show them what im going through, thats what my friend said to me she told me thats why you want to show them of and i belive her. Please read this and think about cutting xxx

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Addiction
by: S'ambrosia

Lauren,
What you described about how you cut when you don't even know why you do it anymore sounds like an addiction.

Check out this definition of addiction: Addiction is an uncontrollable compulsion to repeat a behavior regardless of its negative consequences.

After reading that would you agree that that's what is happening to you? If so, I'll say right now that addictions require that you get help from someone that knows what they're doing. Is there a counselor at your school, a parent or youth pastor that you can talk to about this? You're going to need professional help. Without it you may be able to stop for a little bit, like you did before, but addictions don't die easy and it will return. Aside from finding support in your local sphere, here are some other resources:

There is a resource called Door of Hope 4 Teens. You can either call, AIM or e-mail...

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I hope you reach out to someone and I'm glad you came here and shared your story with us. Keep us informed of how things are going with you, okay? I know we all want to see you be free from this! God bless.

Cut no more !
by: Anonymous

Hi Lauren,

First I like to say it is great that you are sharing your story and seeking guidance, this is a very brave stand you have taken. The thing I like to remember is we are God children and we belong to Him, so when we hurt ourselves we hurt God. I think not knowing you may be seeking attention and whether it be good or bad it is attention. When we do things intentionally and tell our friend and other people that we keep doing them then we are reaching for them to help us stop or for someone to feel sorry for us. You stop cutting and then things get worse is what your saying ,but really what it maybe is because your not cutting your really now dealing with issues of life outside of the cutting. Once you start cutting again your ok because your focus is now on the cutting. It is an addiction and you will need to seek help. I suggest you pray and get into God word because when your into Gods word and develop a deeper and strong relationship with him your character then changes and actions line up accord to His word. I will keep you in my prayers and hope to God you get this taken care of because this serious.

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