I don't have a problem do I???

My story is different. It started off just wanting to be healthy. Then progressed to more. I thought I was fat, I ate late and the emotions that came with it all drove me crazy. I would cry because I ate and would scream and hate myself everytime I ate. Over the summer it got bad. In 2 days I only ate 250 calories. I would feel weak and I slept all the time school started again and so did my eating. Then it kicked my butt. It told me I was fat, I could get guys because I had fat on my stomach, and many more hurtful things I would cry about. I wished everyday to be skinnier. I asked myself why I couldn't have control. This drove me to do better. I wanted to be at 81lbs. I hid everything, I kept exercising, I did mess up in which I started to resent myself more and more. I wanted to tell my mom what was wrong, my anorexia told me if I did that I would never be skinny. I listened. I started eating little for lunch with no breakfast. I wouldn't eat after 7, and my emotions for eating got bigger. I didn't like how I felt after I ate. So I slowly dropped my calorie intake. I still have my mess up days and I still have a goal of 81lbs. I don't think I have that big of a problem since I mess up and eat more than I want sometimes. I love the feeling of being hungry & feeling proud. I I just want to loose 10lbs and then I'll be done. But until then, I don't want to eat much.
The worst part of my so called "problem" is the emotion pain ad devastation when I do eat. Literaly sometimes I feel like dying because of food. Because the number of calories I ate was too much. Crazy? I know but I want to lose the weight.

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eating to live
by: Brenda

You didn't mention anything about your parents. Don't they notice the changes in your body and your emotion state? Eating disorders are all about control. They continue to be a problem because you must eat to live. I know you are concerned about your calorie intake, but you must keep in mind that your body gets its fuel from eating and calories. You also have a negative feeling about food so that will add to your control problem with food. You will feel so much better if you seek help for your disorder. Tell an adult you trust about your problem with weight and eating. It is so much more important for you to be healthy and not skinny, to where you only eat 250 calories in two days. Please get help now. I'm praying for you. I know you can beat this with help and with the strength God will give you. God Bless you. Love in Christ.

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