I cut.. yer ...... please help me....

by Dannii
(Australia)

I know this may be long, but i need to tell the full story, to someone.
btw: I'm thirteen, and Im a girl (obviously!)

I cut myself, have been for a while now. It really tears me apart seeing all my friends give me support, and I tell them I've stopped, I promise it will be the last. but i always find myself doing it again. what hurts me even more is seeing how disappointed they are in me. Friends have been slipping away from me, slowly and slowly im slipping too.

It started with my father. He has major problems somewhere. He has anger problems, and yells alot. he also has panic attacks sometimes. although im never there when he does, my mother tells me the stories.

One day it all became to much. I was fighting with my dad,and friends at school. I was very unstable and felt so alone and i just thought stuff it, and i did it.

I told my friends i thought i could trust, then didn't understand why i had done it. and i couldnt really explain it either. At some points i still wonder if i did it that very first time just for attention.

after i told my friends. other poeple began to find out. i didn't want it that way. but in a sense i got alot of attention which almost made up for the attention i wasn't getting at home.

expect. a few girls that i really dont like found out, and decided it would be the funniest thing to torment me. they called me emo, and told me to go cut myself. on things like msn i would get messages like "cut cut cut" or even just random things like "fat looser emo go cut yourself"

while all this was happening i had another fight with my father. which drove me to do it again. I told my closest friend, and rather than comforting me. she turned me down and said "Im sorry we cant be friends anymore" she was done with my problems.

and of coarse after this happened i felt so utterly alone. i just kept doing it. I found more people to confide in, the right people. they really helped me and didn't judge. they were all older than me and had gone through things i had.

everything started to fix itself. my best friend accepted me into her life again and i started to look up and see that the world wasnt so hopeless.

I let her back in, even though she jumped on my heart. and that was a mistake i should have never made. she treated me differently, she saw the scars one day and just made a scene about it.

i broke down, and just started crying. the worst of it was, everyone saw me just wailing, with tears rolling down my cheeks. i usually don't cry and this just didn't help. they stared, they didnt give a toss about how i felt.

and today, i cut deeper than ever. i scared myself. and thats why Im here.....

Comments for I cut.. yer ...... please help me....

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I hope this helps
by: Andrea

Hi I'm Andrea and I think i can help you. I can not say that I understand what cutting is, but I can understand your situation. I've felt like that before, like you're talking and nobody listens like you're there but nobody sees you and the only thing that helps you feel in control is cutting. In your case, I think you should forget about what everybody else thinks just let them say whatever they wanna say about you but just ignore them. I think that's what makes them feel better about themselves is mocking other people, but never let that get to you.

About the fights with your dad: always keep this in mind: to start a fight you need two people, so don't be that second person. Let him yell scream do whatever he wants but you have to think that you have an armor that protects you from all his yelling and screaming and keep yourself calm. Try to be the bigger person and stay in control.

About the un-trustful friends try not to risk yourself. Right now just keep your conversations with your friends out of this subject so you won't have drama or have your friends tell other people until you overcome your problem. Ok, so finally about cutting try to stay out of trouble what I mean is don't let things get to you. Of course there's always gonna be things that effect you because we all have problems, but try to focus on yourself right now in order to solve this. You have to think only about you because you have to feel you're the most important person in the world right now. Find something you like it can be a sport for example whatever you've always liked or always wanted to try out so you can put all your energy into it. I hope this helps a little bit and I really hope you can get better. If u need any more help i'm always available so if u need to talk to me or anything i'm always checking what's new in this blog so please let me know how you are.
xoxo,
Andrea

Similar
by: Anonymous

I don't know about my life right now my friends just keep falling off one by one i dn't know why i did cut myself once but no more as i hurt me my friends don't understand what i'm going through at all my parents always yell at me and i take a back seat in everyones life it just kills me to see them all falling away they blame everything on me and i just don't know what to do i am blamed for stuff i had no part in i want someone to help me but i just don't know who!

to the person that thinks there problem is similar to mine:
by: Dannii

well i wrote the story just to clear things up.
the best thing my friends could ever have done for me:
they told a teacher.
she told my mum.
okay my mum gives me grief about it. she wont let me stay alone buy myself anymore. she is scared im just going to get up and start hacking at myself or something.
she doesnt understand either.
but my friends brought me help.
which i need.
i am now seeing a councellor.
and i think thats what you need to as well. just be brave and see a councellor.
you should have a school councelor, go see them you don't have to tell them everything, buts its better if you do.
i mean just because i have this help doesnt mean that my problems have vanished, infact they have multiplied ( not becuase of the counceling)
but i feel way better having some support there.
dannii xxx
ps. things can only get better.

HELP
by: Prayer

If you want help, what are friends for, you know? Well, I've experienced that. Not cutting, but friends slipping away. Just think, There are always friends out there some where. It may not seem that way, but there are. Maybe you'll never meet them, but you'll always have God. Like some one else said, seeing a counciler is a wise choice. If your dad or mom won't let you, maybe just have a private talk with the school nurse, or a trustworthy adult. Hope I helped!

-Prayer

i understand..
by: kat

i dk how old you are but im 13 and cut myself. i completely understand what your saying..stuff with your dad ive been thru too hes not really in my life anymore because of what he did to me and hes a complete mental case, but your not alone remember that and even if you think you are when your upset..your not. but if you need to talk to someone you can talk to me..

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