hugging guys

Ok.... so recently on my missions project week for the youth at my church, one of the boys on the trip was run over by an ATV and died. my whole church, but especially the youth group, had a really hard week after that. i was a witness and was depressed for the rest of the week (i had never been depressed before) and i cried a lot (i almost never cry). my guys friends hugged me and when i cried, they would hold me in their arms, which was really comforting. im still having a pretty hard time, and so is it appropriate for me to hug them? I'm just wondering.....

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by: S'ambrosia

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I pray that the Comforter brings peace to all of your hearts and minds during this season of your lives.

About receiving hugs from guys, I can really identify with your question. When my mom died, I called a guy friend, and he came over and sat with me until my ride came to pick me up (I had a car, but my dad didn't want me driving 70miles while I was crying and whatnot). Just before I left he gave me a hug and I remember that hug meaning so much to me (even more than anything he said to me that night). Physical touch in times of grief is very comforting to people that are grieving (especially if that's their love language).

That being said, I feel that it's not extremely appropriate for guys to console girls in times of grief. At least not in the physical sense. When we are in that vulnerable state, we start to build emotional attachments that can be unhealthy. The guy I referred to earlier also happened to be my crush, so throughout the weeks that I was at home, I communicated with him and relied on him more than I think I should've. Does that make sense? I know it seems harmless to hug a guy when you're sad, but pay close attention to your emotions so that you don't form unhealthy attachments. The best option is to surround yourself with girls that care about you. I'm not saying that unhealthy attachments can't occur between women though, because they definitely can, but from the male/female perspective, it's safer to do it that way:)

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