How many scars will be left?

by Chelsey

Thirteen, outcasted, alone. Everything was going wrong, it all just seemed so hopeless. I remember the day when I injured myself for the first time. I was so upset, I was almost in a sort of trance. I couldn't control my emotions, and things intensified.

I threw my favorite CD at the wall, and it broke into several pieces. After staring at the mess for a few moments, I grabbed a shard, and slit my wrist. Of course it wasn't very deep, but I can still feel that sense of relief it brought me. As the years passed, I upgraded to razor blades and kitchen knives. I stopped cutting my arm, and started cutting my left thigh, to hide my secrets.

I have always been severely depressed. By the age of sixteen, my cuts were disgustingly deep, and the scars had spread. Everything I tried to do to keep myself from cutting failed. The only time I wasn't cutting myself was when I was fucked up on drugs, or some sort of intoxication. The rush of emotion was just always superior to my will power. I felt helplessly addicted to this pain. I felt the longing for it when I was upset. I felt the pressure of the blades in my chest crying to me, to please, just make one more cut.

I am seventeen years old, my scars will never fade. My cutting is still out of control, and my leg will only accumulate more scars. My heart is broken, my life is lonely, emptiness continuously overwhelms me. Everyday I ask myself if I can change who I am, and who I am becoming. Cutting will always be a part of my life.

One day however, I hope it will be a painful memory, rather than my gruesome reality.

Comments for How many scars will be left?

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there is hope
by: disciple

Dear Chelsey,
there is hope! there is no situation so hopeless when Jesus is there. He has paid the price to set you free from all that chains you. dear, cal on His name, HE will save you.

God's word says in isaiah 53, " But He (Jesus) was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that made us whole, and with His stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned everyone to His own way; and the Lord has laid on HIm the iniquity of us all."

there is deliverance for you right now , today!
in Jesus' name Chelsey you are free. ive prayed for you and i know He has answered. the devil has no power over you cause Jesus defeated him when He died and rose again! praise GOd that the battle was His and it is won. surrender your life to the one Who loves you and Who died so you could be free and Who was raised so that you could find true and abundant life in Him.

praise God!!

Hey
by: Anonymous

Chels, I hope you realize that you have just helped my life. Your story is so close to mine. I truly am at a loss of words....

I hope you wake up and see you are a beautiful and brave young woman and that your life is blessed and you find hope to hold on......


Trust me, your not alone.


And thank you.

My prayer for you
by: Sarah

Dear Chelsey,

My prayer for you not that all your past will be just a painful memory, but that you will one day be able to look back on your past and share your testimony with many many people, of how God was with you when you needed Him the most, of how His grace was enough for you, of how you felt His love for you and He provided help for you to accomplish what you felt was impossible, because what is impossible with man, is possible with God.

I've learnt that God does not waste any experience. He is God, and He is the start and the end. He is beyond time. He knows everything that ever happened to you and will happen to you in future. And you know what? He says that He has grand plans for your life. You may not believe it and may not think it is possible. But God loves you very much, and has plans to prosper you and not to hurt you.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

You were created special, unique. No matter what wrong choices you made in the past, you can put them behind, you can give all your burdens to God, and you can choose to receive the forgiveness that God extends to you right now, right where you are. You may not see the way out now, but God knows the way out. You just have to surrender your life to Him, to trust Him to lead you and provide a way out.

The scars will always be there, but I pray that they will not be a painful memory or a painful present, but that it will always serve as a reminder of God's grace in your life. That you will always remember how God worked in your life to change you.

You are still so young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. I pray that God helps you to make the decision to give your life to Him today, and that He speak to you directly so you know that it is Him. Because I know God can change your life. He has done it for so many other people before. You don't have to live with cutting, you don't have to live with emptiness and loneliness. Because that is not how God created us to be. There is much more to expect from God.

Reject the lies of the enemy today. Because God tells us in His word - the Bible - that He loves us. His grace is enough for you.

Praying for you.

Someone loves you ..
by: Anonymous

I cut my left thigh too though I didnt go through it as badly as you did - in all my depression one of the things which kept me from going overboard was this verse from the Bible that I would remember in those days though I was not praying - 'You are the temple of the Holy Spirit' - it means since Jesus died for you when you believe in Him God lives in you .. His Spirit is in you ..and you belong to Him .. your body belongs to Him .. and somehow the knowledge that God was in me kept me from hurting myself too bad. .. but healing came more and more as I gave my life to Jesus .. I sincerely hope You find Him as He has already found you ...

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