Help! I just don't know what to do anymore.......

by Amber
(Alabama)

I know the statistics. I know the death rate. I know the mental, physical, and spiritual tolls it takes on you. But I can't see how I can give it all up. It's become part of me.
Last year, I started on a "diet", just to lose a few pounds. It quickly escalated into an obsession, a "high", whenever I would be dizzy from working out so hard or light-headed from not eating for 2 days. I threw up a few cereal bars, but not often; it scared me too much. My parents noticed something wrong with me, but I hid it so well they didn't know what. My life was a black hole, going into a downward spiral.
Then I went to summer camp; where I met Jesus. Sure, since I was little I had grown up in the church, had a bible, but never really cared. Well, then I started caring. Jesus was my everything. HE was my high, not starvation.
Then the drama started again. The pressures were all around me. I slowly began to cut back my food, weigh myself again; horrified at the number on the scale. Had I not starved and worked for months, only to gain it and so much more back? My "best friend"'s birthday party pushed me over the edge. She was texting her ex, flirting, who I wasn't very fond of. Well, apparently her said something very, very rude about me. Now, normally, she would have showed it to me and vowed never to speak to him again. But there were other people there, so she had to make a scene. When I reached for the phone, she screamed "It's not big deal! Gosh!" And then continued to talk about it in whispers to the others. Everyone but me. Not even noticing when I curled up on the couch, crying. Or maybe just not caring.
Well, I just couldn't take it anymore. One night, I weighed myself, and was horrified at the number. So I did the unthinkable: I threw up. After that, the number satisfied me. It was just a one-time thing, right? Wrong. Someone saying something about me? My parents scolding me? Messing up in something, making a tiny mistake? It all sends me running to the bathroom. And it comforts me, like I'm getting rid of all that negative energy.
Yes, I'm still a Christian. And yes, I'm praying about this. But recently, my mom and me had a talk about ed's, and she talked about how selfish they are and how expensive and how painful for the family, and we just decided to start saving money, and I honesty don't think I could do that to my mom. I mean, it helps me through the tough times, and she doesn't know anything's going on. What's wrong? But I know this picture is off. I know she needs to know...I just don't know how....
Please, please comment and give me some advice, or at least just tell me your praying for me!

Comments for Help! I just don't know what to do anymore.......

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praying
by: cassandra

Dear God,
i pray that you give this young lady the strength to talk to her mom. God, give her the wisdom to know how to go about telling her, and for her mom to not over-react, but to rather react with love and for them both to be able to come up with the right solution-the solution you want for them. In Your Name I pray, amen.

here's a suggestion for you--what about mercy ministries? they're a free residency for young women who struggle with EDs, and much more. also, what about maybe going to youtube and watching the movie "Sharing The Secret". its about a teen girl who has bulimia and her parents don't suspect a thing even though her mom's a child psychologist. its a really good and clean movie. not graphic or anything.

Secrecy....
by: Christa

Did you know that the Bible says that the strength of sin is in secrecy? When you keep something secret(especially from your parents)the sin festers and grows in the darkness. Bring your sin out into the light. Tell your mom. It's not easy, but trust me, I know. I'm the one who finally gave up and told my dad about my addiction to self-mutilation. I was so afraid of what my dad would think about me, I thought he would be disappointed in me. But you know what? Telling my dad was the best thing I could do, he helped me a lot. Turns out I was believing a whole host of lies, my Dad helped me replace the lies I was believing with the Truth. God gives us parents for a reason. Don't be afraid to talk to your mom. You could just say something like "Mom, I really need to talk to you, do you think we could take some time out to talk soon?" Your Mom loves you sooooo much! She gave birth to you, she was willing to do everything for you when you were little. You may never know the depth of a mothers love for her child, but I know she's there to help you. Did you know that we are created in the image of God? And did you know that the devil HATES God, and anything made in his image? Don't let the devil destroy you! He can only do that if he gets us to believe his lies, and then start destroying ourselves. Trust me, I've been there. Done that. Not good. Just remember God loves you, and he made you perfect! You are a simply beautiful and wonderful girl! God bless you, and may he give you strength to overcome the devil and his lies. Step out, you only through Christ can conquer the devil. First step? Tell your mom. I'm really praying for you girl! God loves you.

Love
by: Christa

Hey Amber,
I just wanted to let you know I'm still praying for you, please keep us updated, and let us know how you are doing. Remember it's what's inside that counts. Jesus loves you so much He laid down His life for you and suffered probably the most brutal death in history for you. Hang on to God's love--He will never leave you, or forsake you!!! You are loved!
Love & Blessings,
Christa

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