Growing up with pain - my cutting addiction

by Katherine
(Fredericton, N.B)

My name is Katherine and I'm 16. Growing up, my parents weren't always the nicest to each other. My past bugs me a lot and sometimes I feel jealous when my friends parents are together.
At the age of 13, that's when I experienced the feeling of the blade ; I started because I felt angry about my past. The first time I did, I thought so myself, "Wow, this really helps!" and I kept doing it because it felt right.

Like so many other people/girls, I felt broken from past relationships and crushes that had broken my heart inside and out. I spend of my nights crying myself to sleep because of what the cutting had done to me. I asked God for goodness, and I told him I would never do such a thing again. But, in my later years, this pain became the addiction of a new life.

I'd go a while without doing it, but I still felt like I needed to do it. I was able to overcome the blade, but then a bigger issue came into play ; lying. I wrote the word "LIE" on my wrist because I had lied to so many people about who I was, what I was doing and even lying to family because I wanted attention. The more I realized how much the blade wanted me, the more I drew near to its pleasure.

5 months later, I haven't done it since then. I've been clear and pure about everything!! I still wanted it. Until May 7 2009, the blade hit my skin and the pleasure of its pain came back. I liked the feeling of it sliding into my vein, and watching the blood go out onto the skin! That's when I realized how far I'd actually got; I didn't do it because I wanted to commit suicide, I did it because of the pressure and pain every teenager goes through.

So, I ask myself this question right now, "Would you ever do it again?" It's a hard question to answer, but cutting isn't the answer. It can break you and make you do it more. That's why you need all the help you can get!!

I'm coming to Lord every second, begging for the forgiveness. I don't want this anymore ; Nobody does.

So, if you're cutting right now and if you feel broken, everyone goes through this, but if someone you know doesn't understand you, they haven't become a victim of such a high addiction then you have. If you're cutting STOP.. Stop before it breaks you, come to know the Lord and save yourself. He's waiting for you, all you need to do is accept his love and let him take over the emptiness and brokenness that's in your heart.

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May the Lord bless you with freedom!
by: Melisa

Thank you so much for sharing your story, Katherine, it takes courage to do so. I want to share with you that I believe Satan prowls around like a roaring lion looking for who he can devour next and his whole goal is to seek us out, take us down, and destroy us. He may be crafty but he?s also a coward and when he reminds you of your past remind him of his future ? he knows he has already lost and he knows that you are on the winning side, the side of Jesus Christ who has defeated Him and Christ lives in you ? you?re dangerous to him. Think about this, the God of the Universe?s spirit lives in you! Katherine, victory belongs to you! You will come through this fully and you will be an encouragement to many, you already are an encouragement. It is so wonderful that you are turning to Him every second - Praise the God that reigns in your heart. He loves you and it?s comforting that you have Him, let His love pour all over you and while it does, seek comfort under His mighty wings, take cover in His shelter. Satan wants to make sure you feel guilty and it?s good to repent for what you do wrong and to ask God to forgive you but ask Him to heal you, Katherine - lay all of your hurts and pains down at His feet and ask Him to help you let go of them. Don?t hold onto anything and ask Him to help you forgive all who have wounded you. I?m lifting you up in prayer tonight and I?m also asking our Father to give you strength and to see you through this.

Love in Christ

Just started cutting
by: Anonymous

I've only been doing this for 3 days, but find myself wanting to even right after the fact. Wonder if it has become addictive to me. I'm not a great fan of pain, but that part of it aside I do like to see my blood. And those blades are SO sharp. I'm too old for this, but I need to do it more than I like doing it.

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