Growing up with pain - my cutting addiction
My name is Katherine and I'm 16. Growing up, my parents weren't always the nicest to each other. My past bugs me a lot and sometimes I feel jealous when my friends parents are together.
At the age of 13, that's when I experienced the feeling of the blade ; I started because I felt angry about my past. The first time I did, I thought so myself, "Wow, this really helps!" and I kept doing it because it felt right.
Like so many other people/girls, I felt broken from past relationships and crushes that had broken my heart inside and out. I spend of my nights crying myself to sleep because of what the cutting had done to me. I asked God for goodness, and I told him I would never do such a thing again. But, in my later years, this pain became the addiction of a new life.
I'd go a while without doing it, but I still felt like I needed to do it. I was able to overcome the blade, but then a bigger issue came into play ; lying. I wrote the word "LIE" on my wrist because I had lied to so many people about who I was, what I was doing and even lying to family because I wanted attention. The more I realized how much the blade wanted me, the more I drew near to its pleasure.
5 months later, I haven't done it since then. I've been clear and pure about everything!! I still wanted it. Until May 7 2009, the blade hit my skin and the pleasure of its pain came back. I liked the feeling of it sliding into my vein, and watching the blood go out onto the skin! That's when I realized how far I'd actually got; I didn't do it because I wanted to commit suicide, I did it because of the pressure and pain every teenager goes through.
So, I ask myself this question right now, "Would you ever do it again?" It's a hard question to answer, but cutting isn't the answer. It can break you and make you do it more. That's why you need all the help you can get!!
I'm coming to Lord every second, begging for the forgiveness. I don't want this anymore ; Nobody does.
So, if you're cutting right now and if you feel broken, everyone goes through this, but if someone you know doesn't understand you, they haven't become a victim of such a high addiction then you have. If you're cutting STOP.. Stop before it breaks you, come to know the Lord and save yourself. He's waiting for you, all you need to do is accept his love and let him take over the emptiness and brokenness that's in your heart.