Ever since the start of High School..
I fell into this depression of self-hate. I hated the way i looked, walked, talked, acted; everything. I fell into the dark stages of my life. I switched to black clothes, heavy metal to cope with the sadness and not let me think of the hard times i was going through, and even self-harm. I turned into the person i never wanted to be. I lost my friends, i let my grades slip. I had my best friend, stephanie, stand by me though. Even though we were rocky, because i made a new friend who understood where i was coming from, she always cared about me.
I tried to change my life around, but nothing i did, worked. Until i met this one little guy who i fell completely head over MOUNTAINS for. He was everything to me: he brightened my day, he made my blue eyes shine like none otherothers noticed this, too and he made my day worthwile. He said he liked me, and of course i liked him, but he never pursued anything with me. It saddened me, but just being in his presence made everything better. I trusted him with every limb in my body. I told him secrets i never shared a word with, not even Stephanie, and we've been best friends for 4 years. But with him, my habits never really subsided. I still hated everything about me.
He once told me i was beautiful, but i didnt believe it. I was in self-denial. So blah blah blah, fast forward to the bad part, He basically left me, when i needed him most. & when i DID finally see him, he asked me for a hug, and i wasnt ready to let myself into that again, i was NOT going to fall for him, when he's not going to be there to catch me. So for my 'attitude' he called me some names that I won't repeat here, and told me that im a Loser. Wow, i fell for this complete jerk? I was so glad, nothing came outta our relationship. I havent talked to him for a good 7 months, and without him my life has been EXTREMELY better.
I eventually came out of the dark mode at the start of my sophomore year. I was a really happy-go-lucky chick. Everyone noticed how much i changed, for the better. I actually really love my life, and i've accepted myself for who i am. Yeah, i still want to change things but ive learned to live that it wont happen unless i wont to get plastic surgery done, which WONT happen. I learned to forget about what people have to say, and just go on with my life, as this bubbly teenager. Once i found out how much my life improved after holding on to something which was a mistake, made me realized a lot of things. Im actually really glad that my past experience happened, because it made me a better person: inside and out.
And to all of you who DONT think you are beautiful, you seriously are. The world is full of beauty. Were surrounded by it. You should just live to the fact and not be in self-denial that you are beautiful. You just have to embrace it <3