DO YOU LIVE IN A SHADOW OF SOMEONE ELSE

by M.. CLAUDIA
(FLORIDA)

I STARTED TO CUT MYSELF ABOUT A YEAR AGO WHEN I WAS 12 . I REMEMBER THAT I STARTED AT SCHOOL IN ENGLISH CLASS. NOW AM 13. BUT WHEN I FEEL OUT OF CONTROL, LIKE I'M ALONE AND I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE, I CANT HELP IT BUT TO CUT MY ARM OR WRIST. I REALLY DONT CUT MYSELF THAT MUCH ANY MORE BUT I STILL DO IT ONCE IN A WHILE . I LIVE WITH MY SCARS, THEY TORMENT ME . I NEVER REALLY FIGURED WHY I SELF INJURE MYSELF, BUT I REALIZED I ALWAYS FELT THAT I WAS LIVING IN THE SHAWDOW OF MY OLDER SISTER. SHE IS VERY PRETTY. SHE IS 6 YEARS OLDER THAN ME BUT IT ALWAYS BOTHERED ME THAT MY GUY FRIENDS WOULD FLIRT WITH HER AND NOT ME OR THAT MY FAMILY OR FRIENDS WOULD COMPLIMENT HER ON HER LOOKS AND NOT ME, NO MATTER HOW MANY HOURS I SPEND IN MY ROOM GETTING READY. SHE IS SMART AND I KNOW I AM TOO, BUT I'M AFRAID TO SHOW IT . EVERY YEAR I WIN AN CERTIFICATE ON MY ACADEMICS BUT IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. PLUS SHE ALWAYS GETS WHAT SHE WANTS. IF SHE WANTS SOMETHING AND I WANT SOMETHING ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS GO TO MY STEP DAD AND HER WISH IS HIS COMMAND. I LOVE HER, I REALLY DO, BUT I FEEL LESS THAN I SHOULD FEEL. IF I ASK MY PARENTS WHY, THEY JUST SAY SHE IS OLDER THAN YOU, BUT SOMETIMES IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S THE SAME EXCUSE EVERY TIME. I'M STILL 13 AND I STILL SELF INJURE MYSELF.....LORD DID YOU FORGET ME ????

Comments for DO YOU LIVE IN A SHADOW OF SOMEONE ELSE

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He didn't forget you
by: cassandra

God has never forgotten you, and he NEVER will. He loves you SOOOOO VERY VERY MUCH! maybe you should go to your sister and tell her how you feel, or even let her read what you wrote here. if she loves you the way you say you love her, then, she'll be understanding and want to help make things better. as an older sister to a brother, if he felt the way about me you do about your sister, i'd want him to come to me and we'd work it out.

you have worth
by: Natasha

Your sister may be more popular with other people than you, but to God you & your sister are equally important! I would suggest talking to your sister and letting her know how you feel. There's a chance she might be jealous of something you do too!
Just remember not to blame your sister or parents for your self-injury! I would recommend you get into therapy for your self-injury as soon as possible. There are many other ways to cope with your feelings. A counselor can help you learn how to ask your parents for what you need. Injurying will only bring negative attention, not the healthy, positive kind that will help your self esteem.

You're Not Alone Or Forgotten
by: Sara

I know how you feel. I have a sister who is 6 years older than I am. She is prettier, fit and smart. I always feel I will never be as pretty or attractive as her. But don't loose hope, she even has some things that she is jealous of me.
God has definately not forgotten about you. He loves you so much that he gave his only son as a sacrifice so you could live with him. I know it's hard to comprehend but you'll get through it, not alone but with him every step of the way. You just have to know and rely on it, that He'll keep His promises till past the end.
He'll never let you down and knows the future ahead of you.

"For I know the plans I have towards you," says the Lord. "Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

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