Dealing with Gossip

Are You a Gossip Girl?

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight O Lord my Rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14

These were some questions I recently asked myself.

I was talking with a friend who said one of the things her boyfriend can't stand is gossip. She then described a recent situation with her friend which she said bordered on gossip. They were catching up with each other and sharing about people they knew. As they started to talk about other people, it drifted further and further down the road of gossip.

As she was talking to me, God started convicting my heart about this topic.

So I asked myself, what is gossip...and am I a gossip girl?

Immediately, I thought of some situations at work where I was talking about someone else's shortcomings and faults to another employee. Oh boy...the conviction started to get stronger. Then I thought about conversations I have with my mom about others. Getting stronger still. Another conversation with my boss....busted!

It was no use trying to hide it any longer!

I knew God was uncovering something in my heart that I needed to deal with. I asked myself:

• Why do I feel the need to tell others what's going on in someone else's life?
• What does it really accomplish?
• Is it necessary or do I just like being the one to bear "the news?"
• Or is it just something to talk about?
• Can't I find other things to talk about?

Not sure if you are a gossip girl? Take our gossip quiz and find out!

Gossip has become a cultural norm. It's accepted.

I began to realize that gossip is not only an issue for me, but for so many girls today. Our culture lifts up and approves of gossip on all levels. It's as if we are encouraged to become a "Gossip Girl." Magazines are sold around the topic of gossip, TV shows are centered around all the latest celeb gossip, websites revolve around gossip, etc. etc.

So, what should we do? Should we lay aside our gossip girl mentality?

What does the Bible have to say about dealing with gossip?

Anytime I wonder what to do, my first knee jerk reaction is to go to the Bible. Why? Because I trust it and I live my life by it.

Read more about why I decided I could trust the Bible.

There are actually many, many references to gossip, the tongue and the power of our words in the Bible. This is a topic God knew we needed to hear. He knows that our words hold power and influence.

James 3:5-6a,9-10 says, "Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body...With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be."

Are you ready to dig in and do a little reading?

It's time to let the Word of God speak to us on this topic of dealing with gossip...

Unless otherwise noted, all the references are taken from the NIV translation.

Proverbs 11:13, "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret."

Proverbs 16:28, "A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends."

Proverbs 20:19, "A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much."

Ouch! This one gets to me....I don't want people to avoid me because I tend to talk too much!

Proverbs 26:20, "Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down."

2 Corinthians 12:20, "For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder."

Titus 3:1-2 (AMP), "Remind people to....be prepared and willing to do any upright and honorable work, to slander or abuse or speak evil of no one, to avoid being contentious, to be forbearing (yielding, gentle, and conciliatory), and to show unqualified courtesy toward everybody."

Psalm 34:12-13, "Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies."

Psalm 39:1, "I said, 'I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence.'"

Proverbs 10:19, 21a, "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise...The lips of the righteous nourish many."

Wow...I think Proverbs 10:19 needs to be my new memory verse!

Proverbs 12:18, "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

Proverbs 15:4, "The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit."

Proverbs 21:23, "He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity."

James 1:26-27, "If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

James 1:19-21, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you."

Slow to speak...that seems like the opposite of what this world teaches us we should do, doesn't it.

Usually the most popular girl is the one who always has something to say. The one who is outgoing and extroverted. And not the one who is slow to speak. Yet, this is what God encourages us to be. Good listeners instead of good talkers. Hmmmm...something to think about.

Wow...I'm convinced. The gossip girl in me is not what God wants for me!

So, I asked myself a few other questions about the gossip girl in me.

• Do I dwell on the bad or the good with situations at home, at work or with friends?
• Am I trying to solve issues and problems that are not my own?
• Am I visualizing Jesus in the circumstance or just focusing on other people's faults?
• Am I praying about it or just dwelling on the negative that I see in that situation or person?

Ephesians 4:29 tells us how we should be dealing with gossip.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Pretty self explanatory, right?

• Only what is helpful for building others up
• To benefit those who listen

We need to ask ourselves, does this piece of information help build someone up? Or does it tear them down? Am I saying it to make myself look better than the other person or because I want to encourage them? Is it really beneficial to the other person or does it pull them into the drama, the negativity and being critical?

But, how do we follow the wisdom given to us in Ephesians 4:29?

In order to answer that question, let's look at the verse in context of what it was written...starting with a few verses earlier, verses 22-24.

"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."

The good news is we don't have to do it in our own strength!

God will empower us by giving us a new nature, his Spirit, Christ living in us to be different and do differently than those around us.

The New Living Translation says, "Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy."

The Amplified version says, "Strip yourselves of your former nature [put off and discard your old unrenewed self] which characterized your previous manner of life...And be constantly renewed in the spirit of your mind [having a fresh mental and spiritual attitude]. And put on the new nature (the regenerate self) created in God's image [Godlike] in true righteousness and holiness."

What are we to do with our old nature, our gossip girl?

• Put off
• Throw off
• Discard
• Strip ourselves of

What are we to do instead of giving in to our gossip girl?

• Let the Spirit renew our thoughts and attitudes
• Be constantly renewed in our minds
• Have a fresh mental and spiritual attitude
• Put on our new nature

It's not about a self-improvement program, where I try to make myself better by not gossiping.

But, instead, it's about a self-replacement program, where I get rid of my old nature (sin nature) and replace it with my new nature (Jesus living in me, empowered by the Holy Spirit).

Where do my words and the gossip I tend to fall into originate?

Instead of thinking constantly about the negative in every situation and being critical of the people around me, what should I do?

Philippians 4:8 gives us some ideas...

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

What should we do when we're frustrated with someone and need to talk it out?

I don't know about you, but I'm a verbal processor. Sometimes I just need to "talk it out."

I heard Beth Moore say one time that the best thing to do when we are angry or frustrated with someone is to go "tattle tale to Jesus." Tell him all about it. Pour out your heart to Him.

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:8

Start a journal and pour out your heart to God that way. Or pray out loud....go somewhere that no one else can hear you.

And when with others, we should be quick to listen and slow to speak. When we do speak, let's say things that build others up and will benefit those who listen. May our words nourish many! (Proverbs 10:19,21)

The Bottom Line?

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight O Lord my Rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14

Don't forget to take our gossip quiz!

More Help for Teen Girls...

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What do you think? Do you tend to cross the line between sharing information and gossiping? What are some ways you think we can address this issue?

Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page about gossip...

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My thoughts on gossip  AS I WAS READING THIS I WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A GOSSIP PERSON I AM I THINK THAT ANYONE WHO IS ANYONE SHOULD READ THIS NOT JUST GIRL ALSO BOYS....

Me too.  This message really touched my heart. Often you talk about others just because you don't know what you should talk at all or maybe you're even mad at this ...

Gossip Hurts True or Not!  Someone who is a victim of gossip or ever has been might pretend that they don't care. I have and the truth is it hurts! If someone spreads a rumor don'...

I'm a Gossip GIrl  Yess... I am a gossip girl.. sometimes i catch myself halfway through my gossip and i'm like.. WHAT AM I DOING??? Especially at work.. there is way too ...

Gossips at work  Well, I work for this trucking company and I work with a lot of women. And each and one of them gossips about one another and I feel like I'm stuck in ...