cutting

I'm 14 years old and I started cutting when I was about 12. my parents fight all the time. my dad has been kicked out of my house at least three times, once by the police, and once two days before Christmas.

It's hard for me to be scared every time walk in my house. I have heard so many hurtful things said between my parents. I was harshly bullied throughout seventh grade drastically lowering my self esteem.

I have thought about suicide multiple times and have wrote more than one suicide note. I have never been abused in any way, and sense I know that many cutters have, I feel left out. I feel left out of something people who feel left out do.

NOT saying I want to be abused in any way shape or form and my heart goes out to all the people that have. in eighth grade my friends accidentally saw my cuts and told a teacher. By law she had to tell my mom. coming home from school that day was almost one of the worst days of my life. I have never seen my mom that mad before. not even at my dad. I remember thinking "I'm cutting myself and I'm in pain but all you want to do is yell at me?!"

she sent me to therapy once a week which didn't help in any way. I stopped after the fourth time. I didn't want to stop but my mom just stopped making appointments. she told me that it was a phase. I was being dramatic. and I have no reason to feel that way. now because of all this, I have an unbearable fear of adults, mainly teachers. I can't talk to a teacher by myself for any reason, ever.

my bad relationship with my parents got mutiple times worse. I have lost friends and some people treat me differently. my parents fight more. so now I cut worse then I ever have. I don't want to stop cutting. but I hate feeling this way. and every time I cut it's never enough. I'm so sad. I wish it would end.