Changing...

by Christa
(NJ)

I'm 15, and have always been a tomboy until recently. I never thought about marriage or boys, but ever since this past year it's changed. I've changed, sometimes I don't think I know myself anymore. Suddenly the boys I've played with ever since I can remember look cute. I haven't ever told anyone this before--I think I'm in love. I don't date, and have committed to not doing so until I'm ready to get married. But there's this one boy I like, I would even go as far as to say I love him. But not really a gooey puppy love, but a mature love, respect, and admiration for him. Lets say his name is "Tom". Tom is the most godly young man I have ever met, he loves God so much, and has also committed to not date until he's old enough and God shows him the right women--in our families we call it courting. "Tom" is a year younger than me, but is probably a lot more mature spiritualy. He has preached twice at my church already. Though he doesn't know it he has encouraged me in so many ways--to be a better Christian, sister, and daughter. I think about him a lot, though no one knows I like anyone, he doesn't even know. I pray for him everyday that he may grow in the Lord, and that he may find a good wife--even if it isn't me. My one wish in life is that I may marry him, he's fun, intelligint, respect worthy, loves the Lord, and to top it of he's handsom. But I know that I will only marry "Tom" if it is God's will, so I pray for him a lot. The thing is I think I've kind of made "Tom" an idle, he comes to my mind before Christ. I want Christ to have first place in my heart and mind. So I guess my questions are how do I keep Christ at the center of my mind? And, is it wrong to be in love with Tom, and want to marry him? Am I obsessing over him to much? Thank you for your time.

Comments for Changing...

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Grace
by: S'ambrosia

Christa,
First of all, I want to say that the questions you asked are very telling of your maturity. I love that the ultimate desire of you heart is to keep Christ as the center. It's also great that you've decided not to date until you feel ready to get married. Courtship is the way to go!

You're definitely right that if you're placing "Tom" before God he has become an idol in your heart. Truthfully, at the age of 15 I feel it's pretty stinking hard to maintain hardcore focus on God. I'm 24 now, but when I look back through my journals from junior high and high school, I would say the same things you find yourself feeling. It would go something like, "I feel so bad because I haven't been spending much time with You, God. I'm sorry." And then right after that I would spend two pages recounting the details of my interaction with whomever I was crushing on. My heart sincerely wanted to be closer to God, but my changing (and sometime raging) hormones made it very difficult for me to do that. Thankfully, the Lord saw the intentions of my heart and His grace covered my weakness. I believe there is a certain amount of grace that applies here too. Your heart sounds like it's in the right place:)

I think when the person you're into is a strong Christian like Tom is, it's hard for you to see why in the world you shouldn't be together in the future. Things get a bit trickier when you fall for someone who loves God instead of just liking someone because they're hot. One piece of advice I can give you is to keep praying for him, but strictly as a friend and sister in Christ. If the both of you have made a commitment to save dating until you're ready for marriage, and you're 15 and he's 14, there's no need to awaken those desires right now (as it says in the first chapter of Song of Solomon). Praying about his future wife and secretly hoping that it is you doesn't do too much except entagle your heart in a hope that you're not sure aligns with God's will. If your heart gets too involved at this point, if things don't turn out as you expect them to, your heart will get caught in the grind and it won't feel to nice:(

Finally, to answer your question about how to keep Christ as the center, I'd encourage you to read Phillipians 4:8 and memorize it. Anytime a thought comes into your head that doesn't fit these qualifications, get rid of it! Dwelling on romantic thoughts leads to bad places, and trust me...you don't want to go there! Once you get rid of those negative thoughts, turn your eyes/mind heavenward.

I wish you the best, Christa. I know you're going to do great because your heart is in the right place. Let Him be your strength when you feel weak and lean on Your Beloved.

EVER READ CHRISTY MILLER SERIES!? your story resembles hers!
by: Gigi

Have you ever read the Christy Miller series? Well, this girl (14) goes to california for the summer to stay with her aunt and uncle where she meets this boy. She had always had the attitude, "Yeah, I guess God's real" but he strengthened her faith. They started dating when she hit 15, and they even traveled to Hawaii together with their families for her 17th birthday.
At some points, they'd break up and say that this relationship "wasn't striving on God, and we need a break" but they'd ALWAYS wind up back together.
When Christy turns 20, she falls in DEEP, PASSIONATIVE love for Todd, and she tells him so. She went from the brims of first love to marriage love.
They got married 8 months later.
:)
Your story reminds me of it because Todd is SO dedicated to christ and makes Christy become a better christian. I'd be lucky if I ever found such a guy. I'm the biggest Christian girl (I have my flaws though), and I'm worried no guy will turn up, but it's in Gods hands. Always.
:)

Thank you
by: Christa

S'ambrosia,
Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement and advice. Your addvice has been so refreshing, it so easy to get sidetracted when the world, media, and friends are telling you to do something else. I now pray for "Tom" as a sister in Christ should. Please pray for me, I have a hard time keeping focus and using my time wisely...Anyway, if you have anymore addivce I'm all ears!
Love,
Christa

P.S. Would you consider being a mentor?

Mentor
by: S'ambrosia

Hey Christa,

I'm really glad to hear that what I shared with you had an impact on your heart. Do you like to read? There's a book called, "Lady in Waiting," that I think you might like. "Knight in Shining Armor" is also a good one.

Your idea about mentorship sounds great! I feel you and I have a lot in common even as I continue striving to live a life of purity in my 20s. There are a couple of other girls from this website as well as girls in my hometown that I mentor and it's really one of my passions. If you email me at sambrosiac@gmail.com, we can definitely set something up. In the meantime, I'm praying:)

Remember: His grace is sufficient.

Thank you so much!
by: "Christa" (aka Grace)

S'ambrosia,
You're so sweet! I e-mailed you, did you get it? I hope you did, and will reply soon, today was kind of trying...anyway I hope to hear from you soon. God bless!

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