Beauty from Pain (for all you beautiful ladies!)

by Star_Marie
(USA)

I titled this beauty from pain, because over the course of my years, God has shown me such love and grace and He has brought beauty in my life through the pain in my past. I want to share this with you all as an encouragement to all of you and to encourage you to post comments if you would like.

I am 25 years old. When I was 8 I became a Christian, by accepting Christ into my life and acknowledging that I needed Him to save me.

I grew up in a home that was far from perfect. There were various types of abuse that went on in my home, and I struggled as a teenager to understand what was happening. I often blamed myself for what was happening to me, even though I knew deep inside that there was no reason for someone else to hurt another person, and yet it was happening. What I clung to during this hard time in my life was my faith in Christ, and in knowing that He loved me.

When I was sixteen, I had to leave home due to the abuse that I was struggling through. I ended up spending the next several years of my life (until I graduated from high school) living with different people. Some of the situations were good, like when I was with friends that really cared about me, and other situations were horrible (when staying with people who didn't really understand what was going on).

During this time I faced a lot of depression, loneliness, anger, hurt...I had never felt more forgotten and unloved in my life. I tried to cling to God, but began to struggle more and more. I began to cut myself to release the emotional pain and I contemplated suicide often. I was very angry due to all the hurt that I was facing inside.

There came a time when I turned my back on God. How could a God who said that He loved me, allow these horrible things to happen to me? Why had I been born a family that hurt me? Why had I had to leave home when things weren't my fault? Why was I suffering so much? I gave up on God. He never gave up on me.

I tried to run from Him. Tried to deny that He was God and that He cared. No matter how far I ran, God chased after me and there finally came a time when I broke down and gave my life back to Him.

My teenage years were very difficult, and there have been many other trying times in my life. I've been rejected, unloved, pushed aside, abandoned, hurt, torn down. One verse that comes to mind is 2 Corinthians 4:6-9: For God, who said,"Let light shine out of darkness,"has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay,to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.

And this has been true for me. Through the darkness in my life, God has never abandoned me. I have faced many things in my life, even as a young adult, and will continue to. Yet, the love of Christ that lives within me-He never has let me go.

I can look back at my life and still not understand why I had to go through all the things I did. I may never understand. Yet God works everything out for His purposes, and He has loved me. In this world we will face much pain, as it is full of sin which leads to a lot of pain and suffering. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love us. Even in my darkness moments, He was there.

I still don't have it all figured out and I never will but I have the promise that God will always be with me. I still have good days and bad days in my life, but life with Jesus makes all the difference!

I now live a life that is full of His love for me. God helped me overcome my anger (which included stopping the self cutting, the suicidal thoughts, etc). He has shown me the real meaning of love. Even though things will never be "perfect" in this world and I will still walk through the valleys of darkness, I have my hope in a God that never fails.

My life is God's and I want to tell you all that there is hope in Christ. He won't make all the years go away or the pain vanish when we want it, but He will stand by us and lead us through it. In my 25 years I have learned that He can be trusted, and He will lead us through anything that we have to face. It may be painful and we won't always understand, but hold fast! Hold on to His love.

Jesus loves you so much. YOU. He made you. You are made with His loving hands and are fearfully and wonderfully made. He has a plan for your life. And all He wants in return is for you to love Him.

I promise you, you can trust God. You can rely on Him.

I hope this has been an encouragement for you in some way. Feel free to leave me a comment and I'll be sure to respond:)

Star_Marie