Anorexia is taking over my life.

by katherine

Hi im katherine and 12 years old. Ever since my boyfriend broke up with me in november i started to eat more unhealthy foods like chocolate bars and pizza and cheese and junk food every day and big portions and always wanted to go out to restaurants. Once christmas came i was weighing 90 pounds and i had my period and i felt so fat and ugly i hated my body and i started to compare myself to other girls and i wanted to lose weight so i started to exercise and eat healthy i finally lost some weight and i become 85 pounds but it was wasnt skinny enough so over this summer 2011 i started to only eat a bowl of cereal everyday and noting else i was so depressed because i had no one to love me and the good feeling of when i had my boyfriend. My parents didnt care until they saw how skinny i was getting. Right now im 60 pounds and 5ft2 and 12 years old. Im skinnier then i was when i was in grade 4 . Im in grade 7 now and my parents are trying to make me gain weight but i have a big fear of gaining weight so i try to eat as little as much as i can and get away with it. I feel so guilty after ive eaten something bad and every night i wish that i wont gain weight no matter how much i eat. I never eat anything unhealthy for me well i try not too and its hard for me because my mom and dad are trying to make me gain weight so they make me eat more and i just cant handle it ! I really hate myself and all my friends notice how skinny i am and im always cold in school and i cant do gym or run because i have no muscle and i feel like a loser. Teachers make sure i eat at school everyday and they watch me i cant stand it ! Im scared im going to become really fat again like in december and im going to lose control and then i will have to start dieting all over again. I always think about food and try to calculate the calories i eat and i use to be a pretty girl but now my face is ugly and thats why no guys like me and i just really HATE myself. i kinda wish i was dead