a cutter and depressed-so so confused...

by Diana
(New York)

hi, my name's Diana, and here is what i wanted to ask...

i am only 14 years old, and have been through a lot, but i do not feel like going through the whole story, yet yes! i ran away from home when i was younger...Yes! i tried to kill myself once...and Yes! i use to hurt myself before, but now it has gotten worse...now i am reduced to cutting... i cut my left wrist with a scissor, every few days, a few more cuts...
i just don't know what to do...
i told one of my friends, and she promised to keep it a secret, and so far has, yet keeps telling me to stop (she's 15) and the only thing is, i cant tell my parents because they'll get mad, and also blame themselves, and my family has a history of depression...i don't know if that matters...
ive been trying to stop with distractions, but then ive just had SOOO many losses and hardships, i feel as if ive hit rock bottom...

my parents noticed i was feeling blue, and are taking me to see a counselor/therapist...
first of all, i'm worried what they are going to do and what it's like...
2) my friends think i'm psychotic now...(even though they thought i already was because of my mood swings, but totally normal, right???)...
and 3) no one really knows about my cutting secret and i'm afraid to tell and what they'll do!

please help...just give me some advice, on to at least on knowledge on how to approach the subject with an adult...and also my parents...

please help me, and i'm so so so sorry for writing a HUGE "essay" LOL :)

please respond back soon...thanks! :)

Diana

Comments for a cutter and depressed-so so confused...

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Cleaning Day
by: S'ambrosia

Diana,
It sounds like you've had a lot happen to you in your past. Isn't it so great to know that there is someone out there that can erase years of pain and suffering by the power of His love? Jesus loves you so much, Diana, and it pains His heart to see the pain you're going through right now. He wants you to be free from depression more than you even realize.

Sometimes it feels unfair that we have to be dealt more heavy blows in life than it seems others get, but there is a purpose in all of it. Have you ever noticed how there can be two kids from an abusive background and one of the kids continues the abuse when they start their family, but the other kid lives a life completely opposite than what they were surrounded by? Each child has a choice to either allow themselves to fall victim to their circumstances (i.e. become depressed and withdrawn) OR to use their background as a learning experience and to fuel their desire to acheive something better. Some of the strongest people I know came from very broken backgrounds. You have the choice too, Diana.

I would encourage you to use the time you have with the counselor to release some of the baggage you have in your heart. Jesus wants to dwell in your heart so He cn bring you peace, but you have to clean all of the baggage out and let Him get rid of it.

It's awesome that your parents were able to see something going on with you and are taking steps to help you. That shows that they are concerned about you. Try sharing as much with them as you can. The parts you feel would hurt them you might tell your counselor first and see how they think you should approach your parents. It sounds like you have a support system there for you to lean on. Don't be afraid to use it or to keep talking to people through this website so we can pray for you. One thing I do know for sure is that you can't do it alone.

Sorry this is so long! One last thing.. as I was typing, this song by Laura Hackett called, "Beautiful Mercy" was playing. It's based out of the book of Hosea. Here are the lyrics. I hope they speak to your heart. Much love and many prayers.

There is no pit too deep
That Jesus cannot reach
There is no sorrow so strong
That would overtake His beloved one

He's brought me to the wilderness
Where I will learn to sing
He lets me know my barreness
So I will learn to lean

Beautiful Mercy do what you have to do
Jealous Lover, do what you have to do

I will sing
I will sing
I will sing, even in this brokeness
I will sing, even in this loneliness

some advice
by: cassandra

here's what advice i have for your--be honest with your counselor. they're there to help you. i was in counseling last year for one year and it did help me with my cutting. i still struggle with it some, but not like i did, and i think that if i'd been able to continue in it, i'd be free from cutting. what i've found helps me most when i'm especially triggered is running--running til you can't run anymore--you don't have the energy to want to do anything else, and it releases endorphins that make you feel better.

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