A bleeding heart...

I really need help. I get depressed a lot and sometimes am tempted to cut (I have given in 2 times). My heart feels like it is broken and ripped apart. No, it's not because I've ever had a boy friend and he dummped me. It's because my brother is dating. I love him so much, he's truly my best friend...or at least he was. I used to have first place in his heart. Now "she" had to come in and steal my brother from me. I know that they will get married, I can't stand the thought of it. She's a really great person when it's just me with her, but I absolutly can't stand her when she's around my brother. I used to be so close to him. I don't really have the drive to keep on going anymore. I just want to be done with life. I know this hard for some of you to understand, but I just don't know what to do.


A few things have changed about me since this has taken place: 1) I cry all the time. 2) I enjoy blood and physical pain. 3) I'm becoming obsessed with the color black. (oh, and I also don't eat hardly anything at all) What's wrong with me? As I write this I am being tempted to go cut. I really think I will give in this time. It just feels so good. I need help, I want my brother back! Please help me before I do anything really stupid (like suicide). I almost threw myself over a railing 2 days ago. I want to be happy for my brother that he has found the woman God wants him to marry. Who am I to stand in God's way?

Anyway, I am so scared to be by myself...I'm afraid of what I might do... I wish I could stop sinking into depression. I really love my brother, he's the coolest, sweetest, kindest, you could ever find. I want what's best for him, but does that mean I can't be happy too?

Comments for A bleeding heart...

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Understand God
by: Malachi

Dear GOD, I pray and ask you to forgive this young person and help her to understand your will GOD for each one of us in this world. May she understand that you have chosen each one of us to fulfill a life purpose according to your will. Father may she understand your word as written in 1 Corinthians 13 about love and in Galatians 5:16-26 and may she understand the meaning of living in the spirit. Father protect her against the enemy I ask you this in the name of Jesus Christ. As you say in psalm 18:1-3:

1 I love you, O LORD, my strength.

2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn [a] of my salvation, my stronghold.

3 I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.
We will pray
by: Anonymous

Hello baby sister of a great brother! In the Name of Jesus, dear young lady, we speak life! We speak joy and laughter to your spirit right now in the Name of Jesus. We pray that your eyes are opened as your heart understands the great love of that Friend that sticks closer than any other! We bind anything that's not like God from affecting your emotions, thoughts and actions - in the Name of Jesus!
Okay, we've prayed. Malachi and I and many others are praying for you, His Son's Blood was shed for you - so let's talk about love.
Do you really know it precious? Love is not easy, because it goes against what this world calls love. I'm talking about True Love - the kind that puts the needs, desires and wants of another ahead of their own. Love sacrifices its own needs, desires and wants in behalf of another. Love finds its greatest expression in the giving of itself. We have an excellent example of love found in John 3:16, "For God so loved...He gave His Son". His Son so loved - He gave His life. For you, He went to that cross; precious, for you, He paid the ultimate price. Why? L O V E.
And now you tell us you love your brother and yourt bleeds because he shares his heart with another. That really doesn't sound like true love to me because it seems you're happy if he opens his heart to love ONLY you.
Let me describe another emotion - selfishness and pride. Those are expressed when self is top priority. What self wants, self feels like it should be given EVEN at the expense of another. Self and pride are teammates. Have to be. As self promotes and only considers what's in its best interest, pride is there to "validate" those feelings. Pride is deceptive, it only sets you up for an eventual fall. (Look at what happened to satan).
Precious, go before the Father and talk with Him. Ask Him to make known His love for you so that you in turn may know how to love another. To possess the knowledge of His love is powerful and freeing. It gives you the grace to be a living example of what is written in scripture, "greater love hath no man (or woman) than this, than to lay down his life for his friends (brother)."
I encourage you precious to press on to know the power of LOVE.
God bless.
talk to the Father
by: Anonymous

i have an older brother too. we are very close. it hurts me sometimes when i see my brother going off to chill with his other friends or be with other girls because i feel lonley at times. but whenever i feel like that i have to remember that he also needs other people in his life to relate to.

in other words i ahve realized that in able for him to be happy he needs to have other people inj his life, besides me, to be able to get through some of the struggles that he faces.
because even though i know my brother very well, there are still some things that i am not able to help him with. therefore he other people in his life to help guide and teach him things.

idk if that is somthin that you are dealing with but that could possibly be one of the things that could be linked with what you are feeling.

just ask God to help you understand how important it is for your brother to have other people in his life to bless him becaue i know that God will definitly bless you too in your understanding of this

i love you and God Bless
God bless you!
by: Samantha

hunny, i think its so cool that u have a connection like that to your brother. he loves u as well as ur Father. Nothing will ever change that. especially a girl. i'll b praying. try eating pickles... :) they help with anorexia. there is nothing wrong with black!! its one of my favorite colors!!! blood... hmmm. well its satan being... satan. when i fell like doing something such as this. or am being tempted go read ur Bible. it helps a ton!! ive found the Bible is like a great big love letter to us from God
! its so awesome! God be near!! praying all the time helps too!

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